


Comrades

by yuma (yuma_writes)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s01e03 The Enemy Within, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 08:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5241401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuma_writes/pseuds/yuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A filler bridging the funeral to the very first mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comrades

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic from _The Seventh Chevron_ fanzine, published May 2000.
> 
> Note: this was posted as was originally printed in 2000 
> 
> Warning: contains spoilers from the movie and _The Enemy Within_

_"He was your friend."_

_"No...my friend died on the table." \-- "The Enemy Within"_

Colonel Jack O'Neill blinked, the embarkation room sharpening into focus through the briefing room window. He watched as the airmen took down the staff flags and rolled away the podium from the Stargate in somber procession. Then he looked down at the flag folded and tucked into a neat and somber triangle in his hands and his jaw clenched. 

This flag was just for the base's own memorial.

Another flag would be folded just as nicely at the family's service. The body was going to be shipped back to Kawalsky's family, explanation typed up and accompanied by the unlucky officer who got to explain why Charles Kawalsky died. 

Of course, it would all be lies.

_Can't really say it's because he was taken over by some alien snakehead, and then his former commanding officer ordered their top secret Stargate to shut down and slice his head open._

Jack set it down carefully by the meeting table and sighed. Tugging loose the knot on his tie, he undid the top button of his dark blue dress uniform but it still felt too hot in the room.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"Sir." Jack straightened automatically. Something about the dress uniform makes one snap to attention no matter how they're feeling. 

General Hammond stepped into the room and waved his hand, indicated to O'Neill that he should relax. "At ease, Colonel. We've been on edge around here long enough to worry about decorum right now, don't you think?"

Nodding, Jack smiled tightly and peered through the window down at the embarkation room below. To his surprise, the room was already empty of the service flags, the floors neatly swept up of the discarded petals from the wreath. 

"Back to business, I see," Jack said bitterly. He crossed his arms in front of him and glared at the clean room, the Stargate looming over the area like a giant specter of death. 

"It's not the first service you ever had to attend for a comrade, Colonel," Hammond murmured as he joined him to watch the view. "And I doubt it will be the last."

A chill ran down Jack's spine. Immediately, Daniel Jackson's face flashed in his mind as a possible, alarms screaming "Danger, danger!" inside as loud as the embarkation room's sirens go when they have incoming travelers.

As if he could read his mind, the general nodded. "You're sure about Doctor Jackson?"

Startled, O'Neill glanced over to Hammond. "Sir?"

"I can understand the doctor wanting to be actively out there finding his wife and I placed that under consideration when we gave the go for the mission to Chulak, but...." The general trailed off as if unsure how to saw it. His eyes, however, were down at the Stargate as if remembering something. Jack waited patiently for him to continue. Hammond cleared his throat and went on, "He's not a soldier, Colonel O'Neill. He shouldn't be out there risking his neck."

"That's our job," Jack agreed, nodding to himself. 

"So you agree with my assessment?" the general looked surprised that the O'Neill agreed so readily, especially after making no protest when Jackson insisted on joining SG-1. "Doctor Jackson should be pulled off of team status and return to acting as an advisor?"

"I didn't say that either, sir."

General Hammond clasped his hands behind him and eyed him carefully, waiting for an explanation.

"Daniel...he can take care of himself," Jack said as he eyed the Stargate. To Hammond's surprise, a smile tugged at his lips as he continued. "He wasn't exactly hiding in a corner somewhere when Ra attacked. Really had me going in one point when he had this staff weapon," O'Neill spread wide his hands to demonstrate, "gripped in his hands and he was ordered by Ra to shoot us. He stared at us for a moment and then wham!" Jack pounded his right fist into his left palm with a smack. "He turns around and fires that thing at the Goa'uld." 

General Hammond nodded. "I would very much like to hear about that someday, Colonel."

"It's in the report, sir." Jack coughed awkwardly. "I can assure you at least that part was...uh...true."

The general smiled wryly. "'Doctor Jackson created a distraction for us to escape' is not really very descriptive, Colonel O'Neill."

"Well...." Jack shrugged casually. 

"I still don't really approve of Doctor Jackson going out on some personal vendetta here."

O'Neill glanced over in surprise. "He isn't. He's looking for his wife."

"A wife his soon-to-be teammate had taken away to be Apophis' Queen."

"Daniel forgave him. He knew that—"

" _You_ forgave him." Hammond reminded the colonel. "I was there, remember?"

 

_"What?" Jack blurted out as Teal'c removed his armor for the medics. The Jaffa solemnly gazed back at them. General Hammond sucked in his breath as he heard the news._

_"I was Apophis' First Prime...."_

_"I know about that part," Jack waved his hand impatiently. "I mean about you being the one who—"_

_"Chose Sha're to be his queen." Daniel's stunned voice repeated what Teal'c had just told them moments before._

_Jack turned around, cursing as he remembered Daniel was standing there the whole time. The young archeologist, face streaked with dirt from Chulak, his eyes wide with shock, stood there staring back at the alien. Carter shifted in place nervously, unsure how to take all this._

_"That's what you're trying to say...isn't it?" Daniel went on, taking a step forward._

_"Daniel," Jack warned, one hand out to grab him by the arm but Teal'c stepped forward himself to meet the scientist halfway._

_"Yes." The Jaffa bowed his head slightly. "I most regret the act and grieve for you, Daniel Jackson."_

_The archeologist lowered his eyes, chewing his lower lip._

_"You were ordered to do so, weren't you, Teal'c?" Jack interrupted, his eyes darting over to Daniel. "You didn't have a choice."_

_"No, I did not," the Jaffa nodded. "Had I not chosen, Apophis would have had me step down as First Prime. Perhaps I would even have been executed and then another would have taken my place."_

_"So either way...one would have been chosen," Carter jumped in. She looked over Daniel's bowed head to Jack. He just shrugged back. "The fault is really Apophis then--he was the one who chose Sha're."_

_"I am truly sorry...Daniel Jackson."_

_"You didn't have a choice," Daniel spoke in a soft voice, not looking up. "I know that. And if you hadn't helped us...."_

_"We would have been pushing up alien daisies and not be here right now able to keep on looking for Sha're and Skaara," Jack added._

_"Of course," the young scientist lifted his head and smiled tightly, "we should be t-thanking you then."_

_"I require no thanks," Teal'c told him solemnly. "But I do promise to help you find your wife."_

_"Okay." Daniel's voice was small._

_"Daniel..." Jack reached forward to snag him by the arm before he could walk away. He nodded to Teal'c as doctors hustled the alien off somewhere for examination. General Hammond gave Jack a look before turning to stare at the archeologist, square on his back. Hammond pursed his lips as if he saw something he didn't like and gave Jack a warning look before following behind Teal'c. "You okay with this?"_

_"Yeah," Daniel nodded, not looking in Jack's direction. "I'm fine. It wasn't his fault."_

_Why did he have this nagging feeling that Daniel was just repeating what he just said? "Yeah," Jack echoed, "not his fault."_

_"I...I gotta get cleaned up," Daniel said quietly. He pulled his arm out from Jack's grasp. "I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?"_

_"We'll be in the briefing room in sixteen hundred hours, Daniel," Jack called out after him._

_Daniel paused and looked over his shoulder, pale face confused. "Huh?"_

_Carter took pity and jumped in helpfully. "Four o'clock."_

_"Oh...okay." Then Daniel smiled wanly and walked away from the infirmary._

_"He took that well, sir," Carter murmured._

_Jack just frowned._

 

"I remember," O'Neill said, his brow furrowing. It struck him that he never really had a chance to talk to the archeologist after that because they had discovered Kawalsky was infected with a Goa'uld larva. He thought Jackson was okay with all this, but then again, it occurred to him that the archeologist never really had much time to interact with the Jaffa. He was always somewhere, debriefing soldiers about the Stargate, how to dial it, or down at some lab doing more research.

"Teal'c is getting prepped for your first mission as a team in less than two days," Hammond reminded him. "It gives you time to think."

"Time, sir?"

"To decide for sure if Doctor Jackson really belongs in SG-1."

Startled, Jack spun on his heels to face Hammond, but the general was already leaving for the door. The officer gave O'Neill one last look, a silent warning to think about it before he was gone.

And Jack was left alone, with the folded flag, in an empty room.

 

"And this is a M-16," Carter explained, pulling out her weapon. She showed the empty slot to Teal'c. "You refill the bullets—"

"Bullets?" the Jaffa frowned at the unfamiliar term.

"Um...small projectiles that will fire out from this when you pull this trigger." Sam demonstrated by pulling at the trigger with her finger. "See?"

"It does not fire," Teal'c pointed out in a puzzled voice.

 _Oh boy_ , Carter thought. This was going to take a while longer than she thought. "That's because I hadn't loaded it with this magazine clip...."

"Captain?" Colonel O'Neill poked his head in the lab and frowned at the gun in her hands.

"Uh...prepping him for our first mission, sir," Carter explained as she handed the assault weapon over to the Jaffa. She mentally groaned when she saw the alien peer at it through the barrel.

The Colonel arched an eyebrow. "Need some work on that, captain."

Sam sighed. "Yes, sir."

O'Neill chuckled as he stepped into view completely at the doorway. He zipped up his leather jacket, one hand in his pockets as he leaned by the doorway. 

"Going home, sir?" Carter asked in an envious voice. "You know, I think I should consider getting an apartment around here."

"Yeah, well, you can check with the office. They'll get you set up pretty quick." O'Neill shrugged. "We got two days. Thought I would get my stuff cleaned up, send off Kawalsky's stuff to his family and head home."

"Oh," Sam nodded sympathetically. "That's right. I'm sorry about Kawalsky, sir."

"He knew the risks," O'Neill responded curtly and Carter winced. Apparently, it was a sore topic for him.

"He was a brave warrior, O'Neill," Teal'c offered. "In my world, we would have burned the pyres for many days in remembrance."

Jack grinned crookedly, his eyes crinkling up at the idea. "Sounds nice." He coughed, straightening up. "Well, I'm going to head out, wanted to check on you kids and-" O'Neill frowned, eyes darting around the room. "Where's Jackson? I would have thought he'd be here."

"Hopefully getting some sleep, sir," Sam said as she took the gun away from Teal'c to show him again.

"Hopefully?"

"He didn't look like he was sleeping very well." She winced as she recalled how haggard Daniel's face had looked before they met up for debriefing. She had pointed out then that he needed some sleep, but from what she heard, when Daniel went to do so, he found the body of the dead doctor Kawalsky had killed. "He didn't really have a chance back then. He tried but found-"

"I know. I know. I heard." O'Neill sounded annoyed to hear about what Kawalsky had done under the Goa'uld's influence. 

Carter flinched, mentally reminding herself to watch her words around him for the time being.

"Well...see you kids in two." Jack tapped the doorframe and nodded farewell.

"Bye, sir," Carter called out but he was gone already. Turning back to Teal'c, she squared her shoulders and lifted the rifle again. "Okay, let's try this again. We...."

 

_"And this?" Daniel pointed to the squarish line above his head, the carved lettering that decorated the outside walls around the enclosed village. He shielded his eyes with the other hand, squinting in the afternoon suns. "Looks like...uh...pah...pah chee?"_

_Sha're frowned, trying to place the word. Daniel smiled to himself as he watched her repeat the word silently, her full lips pursing and opening as she made out the syllables. He found himself staring, unable to believe that someone could look so beautiful even when she frowned, her mouth puckering up as if she wanted to kiss-_

_"Paytuchee!" She clapped her hands as she made the connection._

_"Huh?" Startled, Daniel took a step back and lost his footing. Stumbling back, his foot landed in the well digger's pottery. "Oh boy, I'm sorry!" He hopped, trying to get his foot out of the vase as he apologized to the owner who was sitting nearby tending to his drying wares, forgetting the native didn't understand a word of English. He shook his foot, which made his balance worse and amidst the villager's outraged yelp, he fell backwards, arms spinning to stay upright but failing._

_Sha're lunged forward, grabbing him by the collar of his fatigues and gasped as his weight pulled her along with him. In a tumble of arms and legs, the two fell over pots and dishes the villagers had laid out to dry in the sun, ending up in the sand dunes._

_"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously as he sat up, frantically brushing sand away from her hair, her shoulders, worried when she didn't respond. He grabbed her by the shoulders, alarmed when he felt her shaking and tilted her head up to see where she was hurt._

_He found her laughing uncontrollably._

_"Neet! Cham be cheet!" Sha're couldn't finish, her voice hiccuping in high squeaks as she tried to stop laughing. She grabbed her sides, rocking forward until her head rested on his chest, laughing, giggling, and ignoring the fact that Ghet-ka the well digger was shouting angrily at them about his broken pots. "Cham be cheet!" Her head rubbed against the hollow of his shoulder now as she curled up, laughing herself completely silly._

_Daniel flushed as he heard a word similar to drunk and another referring to the skinny hairless cats he saw roaming the village at night seeking scraps. Looking up and seeing the wizened angry face of Ghet-ka, he turned brighter red._

_"Ckat shoo met ta! Shoo mak chetka!" Ghet-ka was rambling, waving his walking stick at them and Daniel got up, trying to explain in broken Abydosian how it was an accident. It wasn't working._

_"Uh...Sha're?"_

_The woman wiped a stray tear from her eye and peered up her husband, who was waving hands, stuttering as he tried to apologize, but it only seemed to make Ghet-ka more angry. She got up, grabbed Daniel possessively by the arm, her soft cheek pressed close to his shoulder and glared at Ghet-ka as the old man ranted. Her voice picked up speed in words, not realizing that the elder wives who were witnessing this were clucking disapprovingly at her unusually outspoken behavior._

_And then..._

_"Achoo!" Daniel let out a thunderous sneeze as the sand that was kicked up during their fiasco finally got to him._

_"Meja neturu!" Ghet-ka squeaked like a mouse, jumped a few inches up in the air and then scampered away, shouting in fright, his skinny old legs peeking out from under flapping rough robes. Daniel groaned, his head dropping to his hands, as he realized that not everyone in Abydos had quite gotten used to his allergies yet. He could hear the old man running away, squealing in fright, other people's clay pots shattering as he ran over them and more voices angrily shouting back at the well digger as he fled._

_The two looked at each other._

_Sha're wrinkled up her nose, trying to recall what Daniel taught her last time and suggested in a shy voice, "B-bless you?"_

_"Thank you." The archeologist sniffed, rubbing his nose as he watched in dismay the old man running further and further from his sight. Great, so much for blending, being part of this culture. "That's the third one I scared off so far this season!" Daniel groaned._

_"Oops?" Sha're offered in return, her hand rubbing his arm comfortingly._

_Surprised, Daniel looked down at her and saw her grinning mischievously, brown eyes twinkling, betraying just how sorry she wasn't about it._

_He chuckled and Sha're beamed._

_"Theklya neet chem?"_

_"No, it wasn't funny." Daniel scolded her mildly, his lips threatening to break out in a broad grin. He bit his lower lip, trying to look stern._

_"Chem Ghet-ka...achoo achoo!" Sha're snickered._

_"Stop it...." Daniel gasped. He clamped his hand over his mouth. "It wasn't funny...that poor man...I...." he shut his eyes, gasping as he tried to keep quiet. Sha're slyly kissed his ear and he felt them burn hot before she whispered._

_"Oops?"_

_Daniel wrapped his arms around her, half because he wanted to hold this miracle who could make him laugh so often and so freely and also because he was laughing too hard to stand straight._

_"Oops," Daniel agreed before breaking down in teary laughter._

_The two clung to each other, their laughter reaching to high peaks. They didn't see Kasuf approaching with a half frown, a twinkle in his eye and a ready lecture about how they should respect their elders and not frighten poor Ghet-ka to go hide in the manure with the mastodges._

 

His miracle was somewhere out there, hidden in the thousands of symbols before him.

In the office he had borrowed, Daniel rubbed his eyes wearily, trying to stay focused on the television screen and the copy of the video Captain Carter had made of the chamber in Abydos.

The one he had shown them.

The one he was in while they attacked and took Sha're and Skaara away.

His eyes watered.

His eyes burned.

Her eyes were glowing.

_"Behold! Your new Queen!" Apophis drew back the veils and revealed the dark exotic face of—_

_"Sha're?" he lifted his head up above the table, mouth slightly open. Before he could think about it, before his ears filtered in Jack's warning, he bolted out of his seat and was in front of her._

_"Kneel before your Queen!"_

_Daniel ignored the command, his eyes glued on her face. "Sha're, it's me...."_

_Haughty dark eyes cast over him._

_And glowed._

"No...." Daniel lowered his head into his hands, leaning forward until his elbows rested on the desk. He fumbled for the remote and froze the image of the golden panels of script and hieroglyphics. Sha're was somewhere in there, in those lines that he had to translate. She was there, waiting for him. 

God, his arms felt so empty. They ached as if something was snatched from his embrace. 

And in a sense, it was.

And the person responsible for it was two levels below with Captain Carter.

Clenching and unclenching his hands, Daniel stared blearily at the mess around him; the room had been only casually cleaned up after he asked for a spare room to work in. Boxes from previous occupants were shoved to the sides, blocking old and dusty empty shelves. The lab table, with its dripping sink, was littered with his notes, textbooks they had packed away when they thought he wasn't coming back, discarded beakers from past experiments, and cups. 

Lots of cups. 

Styrofoam cups. Stained with the color of caffeinated liquids and piled up to one side, testifying to just how long he had failed to find her.

Daniel rubbed the sides of his temples. The headache that had pulsated before was growing. Fumbling around for the aspirin bottle he had snagged from the infirmary, he kept his eyes on the television screen as if maybe the answer would appear to him. The plastic bottle knocked against his clumsy fingers and they curled around it eagerly. Pulling it closer, Daniel twisted the cap off.

And found it empty.

"Damn it." He threw the bottle as far away from him as possible. The empty container bounced off the side of the table and rolled out the partly opened door.

"Is this what we're going to pay you the big bucks for?"

Blinking, Daniel squinted at the hazy figure standing by the door. When Jack came into view, he shrugged. He reached for his pencil and tried to get back to work, making notes of old text that might mention where Apophis might hide.

"What are you doing?" O'Neill stood there, not taking the hint.

"Working?" Daniel said curtly as he unfroze the video and let it continue.

"Daniel, don't tell me you're trying to read all this. I thought you said it would take you an entire lifetime to finish this."

"I don't have that long," Jackson muttered under his breath, grabbed the cup of coffee he had and took a sip, making a face when he realized it was the dregs of the cup. 

O'Neill made a face as well. "Damn, how can you drink that stuff?" He eyed the pile of discarded Styrofoam and arched an eyebrow. "Never mind. I guess you can drink that varnish remover they call coffee."

Jackson just grunted as he flipped a page in a textbook. Scribbling, eyes trying hard to read but couldn't—maybe he needed new glasses—Daniel felt his pencil go all rubbery for some reason, the writing point wobbling away from the lined pages and the words going all crooked—

A hand reached over and stilled his wrist. "Daniel, stop it." 

Head heavy, the archeologist lifted his eyes and saw Jack hadn't left at all. Rather, he was standing over him, looking right at him with....

Pity.

Daniel cringed before he realized it. "What? What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same question."

Pushing the hand away, Daniel frowned as if he didn't understand. "What are you talking about? I'm working on how to help find Sha're."

"Can't work all the time."

 _Yes I can,_ Daniel thought as he placed down his pencil with exaggerated care. "I have to get something feasible together before our mission. General Hammond would want something concrete we can go on and—"

"You need some rest."

"I did already," Daniel shrugged once more and eyed his cup. Turning his head, he spied the coffeepot, sitting seductively just a few feet away on a hot plate. He pushed off the table with his hands, intent to refresh himself with another refill. 

The room lurched.

Then it spun.

Suddenly, the lights went out.

"Daniel? Daniel!"

Wondering why someone was shouting, Daniel opened his eyes and found Jack inches away from his face. Startled, he whipped up his hands, shoving the older man away with a gasp. O'Neill slipped away from his view. Jackson blinked, moaned slightly and then pushed up on his elbows. Sitting up, he saw he was on the floor.

"What?" Daniel cradled his head and groaned. Blinking, he realized his glasses were gone.

"You passed out," O'Neill said tersely, kneeling there still, undeterred by Daniel's attempts to move away from him. One hand on the archeologist's back, he studied the young man carefully, brow furrowed. "You okay?" He silently handed back the scientist's eyewear, which Jackson put on with shaky hands.

"Got up too fast," Daniel muttered and grabbed the table edge to pull himself up. "I'm fine."

"Uh huh," O'Neill wasn't buying it, "and the bags under your eyes are really travel accessories for your galactic travels." He stood up in time to catch the archeologist when he stumbled back again. "That does it. Let's get you to the infirmary and have them look you—"

"No!" Lurching away from him, Daniel bumped against his chair, the furniture spinning on contact, squeaking as it did. He braced his head with the heel of his hand, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm fine. Just need some sleep, I guess."

"Ya think?" 

Ignoring the wry comment, Daniel mutely gathered up his notes, tucked them neatly in the textbook and ejected the tape from the borrowed VCR. Awkwardly, he tried to balance everything in his arms but they tumbled out like leaves and crashed to the floor. 

The two men stared at the mess for a moment.

"Damn it," Daniel muttered as he slowly crouched down to pick everything up again. He paused as the pencils slipped from his grasp as he tried to grab the rest. "Damn it!" Abruptly, he threw the one pencil in his hand halfway across the room. 

"Whoa!" Jack grabbed his wrist before he could do more damage. He winced as he saw the splintered wood a few feet away. The pencil was no good to anyone now. He looked at the young archeologist with grudging awe. Who knew the kid had a temper? He half expected Daniel to burst into tears or something.

 _But a man who is willing to go into the lion's lair just to revive a woman on Ra's ship wouldn't be a crybaby either_ , Jack reminded himself. 

"I'm a little tired," Daniel offered as an explanation as he stared at the broken pencil on the floor.

"You're a lot tired," Jack corrected him and hauled him up. He shook his head when Daniel tried once more to gather up his stuff. "Leave it. You can come back for it later."

"But—"

"Just leave it and lock the door. Why carry around your stuff? Just leave it in the office and—"

"It's not my office."

Jack blinked.

"None of this is mine. Remember? Daniel Jackson is technically dead. He doesn't have an office here. He doesn't own a home. He doesn't have anyone here. He doesn't have anything here." Daniel stared at the broken pencil, his eyes sad and distant behind his long bangs. "I borrowed this room for a little while. It isn't mine."

"It is now," Jack announced and grabbed the bundle Daniel was clutching to and set it firmly on the table. "That Mount Everest pile of coffee cups was your security deposit."

"I can't."

"Yes you can." The colonel strode over to the drawers on the far end of the room and rummaged around it. With a grunt of discovery, he whipped out a roll of masking tape and a marker. After scribbling something on it while muttering under his breath, Jack tore a section off and went over to the door. Placing it at eye level, O'Neill scrutinized it before nodding with a grin. "There."

Daniel shuffled over and read it in a dull voice. "Doctor J's Pad. Dope coma on." He frowned, looking over at Jack.

"It says don't come in," Jack grumbled. "My handwriting isn't that bad."

"Jack, this is all nice and everything but I don't think..." Daniel jumped when he felt a hand gripping his shoulder. 

"That's your problem: you think too much," O'Neill complained. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to see Teal'c and Carter, see if they can help you out with whatever it was you were doing, then find you a bunk to crash for the night."

Daniel skidded to a halt, jerking Jack to a stop. The colonel frowned.

The scientist looked away, stepping back from Jack. "Uh...I don't think they can really help me with this." 

Jack waved his hand impatiently. "Sure they can. Teal'c can probably see if he can recognize any symbols and Carter can figure out how to work them out faster on the computer—"

"Weren't you going home?"

O'Neill looked down at his jacket and grimaced. "Yeah, well..."

Daniel's shoulders slumped. "Sorry, look, why don't I go do that and you go home?"

"It's okay, I can—"

"I know it hasn't been the best day for you, either," Daniel said in a soft voice, nodding as Jack winced. "You of all people need a break."

 _So do you_ , Jack thought as he looked up and down at the young man before him, hunched over in a baggy USAF-issue flightsuit. He sighed though, knowing Daniel was right. "So you'll rest right after talking with them?"

"Sure."

The colonel studied him carefully. "You still got that jacket I loaned you that first night back?"

Daniel blinked. "Yes, did you want it back?"

"No," Jack interrupted in a gruff voice. "It tends to get cold in some spots of the base. Ventilation isn't the best here. You can use that for extra warmth. You might want Supply to get you a better size and a couple of extra T-shirts as well."

The archeologist looked down at his own body, staring blankly at the flightsuit and fingered the zipper. "Okay."

"Well...." Jack shifted left and right, wondering why he felt awkward about leaving now when before, leaving was uppermost on his mind. "I'll...see you in two days then?"

"Sure. Thanks for...you know...." 

O'Neill smiled wanly. "I know." He clapped Daniel's shoulder. "Get some rest, kid, okay?"

The young man nodded and Jack found himself reluctantly turning away and walking down the halls. He looked over his shoulder and saw Daniel walking away, towards the other hallway that led to the lower levels and relaxed. Maybe the chance would present itself for the two men to talk. With that thought, Jack squared his shoulders and quickened his pace towards the elevator.

 

_"Hell of a trip, eh?" Kawalsky downed his beer with one long gulp before setting it down with a satisfied sigh. He swiveled on his barstool to face Jack. He raised his voice to be heard above the din. "Shit, that was good. Thought I would be stuck back there drinking sand for the rest of my life."_

_"We're back. That's all that matters," Jack said carefully in front of the curious bartender and copied his friend. But rather than putting down the beer bottle, he rolled it in his hands thoughtfully, staring at the amber glass and the curved reflection of his own battle weary face._

_"Hear, hear! To Doctor Jackson!" Ferretti hiccuped as he stood up on wobbly legs. The surviving team members agreed, lifting their bottles as well. "One hell of a son of a bitch!"_

_"To the geek!" another shouted and others laughed, yelling out the same. Glasses clinked, barely audible over the bar's blaring jukebox._

_Rolling his eyes, Jack just took another sip, a smirk on his lips as he remembered that just days before, these guys were throwing the good doctor's books down an alien planet's sand dune._

_"Man, debriefing sucked!" Ferretti plopped down on a barstool next to them, his head swaying a little like a pendulum. "How long we got to stay near the base anyway?"_

_"Only until the head honchos decide how to declassify us and where to put us," Kawalsky muttered, eyes darting over Ferretti with a silent warning to watch his mouth. He looked over to Jack. "What about you, sir?"_

_"Me?" Jack peered up at the dark ceiling then shrugged. He smiled to himself, wondering how Sara would react when he comes through that door and lift her off her feet before kissing her. Too bad he couldn't have made a call when he had first come back. The men with four stars on their uniforms bundled the entire team into isolation, then to debriefing faster than he could shake the sand out of his boots. "Eh...I'll be going home."_

_"That's it?" Kawalsky blurted out. The soldier sounded surprised. He looked over to Ferretti who was sputtering out beer at the news. "Sir, no offense, but I hear you're getting a medal! Not thinking of taking up another command or team?"_

_I'm getting a medal because I was the only officer suicidal enough to take on the mission, Jack thought sourly as he calmly took another gulp of beer. He glanced sideways at his two men. "Nah. Thinking of retiring."_

_"Retiring?" Ferretti shouted, getting up on his feet. It was then the jukebox stopped playing and the other soldiers' heads jerked up at the word, mouths partly opened._

_Jack looked around, his eyebrow arched at the sight. "What? Can't a guy retire if he wants to?"_

_"Sir—"_

_"But, Colonel...."_

_"Hey!" Kawalsky barked and the others blinked. "He wants to retire, then he wants to retire, okay?"_

_Jack directed his raised eyebrow at Kawalsky now. "Why thank you, sir." He tilted his bottle towards the soldier in mock salute and drank._

_Kawalsky looked at him for a moment as the others settled down, murmuring in dismay. Ferretti staggered back to the group, fumbling in his pockets as he veered towards the jukebox, declaring he was going to dedicate a song to their beloved colonel. Jack winced as he heard the not so talented voices of his men garbling out a well-slaughtered tune as the music box cranked out the selected song._

_"Permission to speak frankly, sir?"_

_Waving his hand impatiently, Jack shot Kawalsky a glare. "I'm retiring soon and I'm off-duty. Go ahead, spit it out."_

_"Okay...you were a jerk, sir."_

_Jack blinked. He turned on his stool until he was facing the soldier. Kawalsky grinned stupidly, his face a bit flushed from the alcohol._

_"But...." Kawalsky got up unsteadily on his feet and he saluted. "It has been a hell of an honor serving with you, Colonel."_

_Unable to speak, Jack stared at him for a long moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others stand and solemnly salute. Surveying them all, he faced Kawalsky again and returned the salute._

_"To those who didn't make it," Kawalsky said quietly, lifting his glass. The others nodded and did the same._

_Lump caught in his throat, one young face in particular flashed in his mind before any others did, and Jack lifted his drink as well. "To those who didn't make it."_

_As one, the group drank to their toast._

 

Staring at the plain cardboard box, Jack sighed. The bunkroom Kawalsky was staying at was emptied; his belongings, deemed declassified, were bundled carefully in the box. 

"Sir?" Ferretti poked his head in the room and saw the colonel in his leather jacket, standing there staring at the box. The lanky soldier stepped to the center of the room. 

Jack nodded wearily at him, acknowledging his presence. "Ferretti. How's the arm?" O'Neill scanned him up and down, the bandages from the return mission to Abydos now down to a scant sling and a crutch. He nodded approvingly. "Looking good."

"Thank you, sir," the soldier shifted uncomfortably as he leaned on his crutch. "Docs weren't too happy about me getting out of bed but I wanted to...you know...show up for the service. Least I could do." Ferretti paused, his eyes caught on the box at the center of the table. "That's his?"

"Yeah," Jack said shortly. "They're going to ship it out soon."

Ferretti cleared his throat. Straightening up, he saluted to the box, taking it very seriously, his motion crisp, sharp. The colonel looked at the box silently.

"I heard...uh...I heard you were the one who ordered the Stargate to be...uh...."

"You heard right, Ferretti," O'Neill cut in, his voice stiff.

Startled to get a response, Ferretti coughed awkwardly. "Oh."

"Kawalsky didn't want that thing in him. If Warner couldn't get it out of him, he rather be dead."

"Sounds like Kawalsky."

Jack nodded numbly.

"You heading home, sir?"

"For a little while. We're on standdown until we get our fourth member prepped."

"The alien Jaffa, you mean."

Jack turned to look over his shoulder, eyes narrowing. Ferretti raised his hands in defense.

"Hey, I have no problem with him here. I heard about him saving your asses. That kinda wipes the slate clean, you know?"

Relaxing, Jack allowed a small smile.

"And you can tell Doctor Jackson I'm not like some of the others, too," Ferretti added.

Jack's smile faded. "What?"

"I don't blame him like some of the guys do. I'm not—"

"What?" the colonel's voice rose sharply.

Ferretti blinked. "Uh...never mind, sir. I might have been mistaken." He tried to turn around to leave when Jack's sharp voice rang out.

"Hold it right there!"

The soldier froze.

"What...others?" Jack grated.

Ferretti winced.

"I said...what...others?"

Sighing, the younger soldier turned back to face Jack. "There are a few others...been hearing around the locker room...they...they don't take to Jackson too well."

"Oh?" Jack crossed his arms. "How so?"

"Ah...been hearing about people screwing up at Supply...say none of his sizes are available, paperwork from Housing's getting lost, people giving him the stare at the service, bumping into him and stuff like that." Ferretti's eyes shifted away nervously.

Stunned, Jack wondered why hadn't he heard anything about this.

"Some been muttering how he opened a Pandora's box," Ferretti went on, unaware that O'Neill was bunching his fists, face slowly burning hot. "We lost some good men out there, sir. And some of them...well...they thought it never should have happened."

"Who?"

Ferretti glanced up at Jack's red face. "Huh?"

"Who?" the colonel grated out. 

Ferretti took a step back, stammering. "I-I don't know, sir. I just hear this stuff. Didn't think it was fair. Hell, he was a geek, but he was all right, you know?"

The colonel calmed down a bit, seething inside at being the last to know. Why the hell didn't Daniel say anything? 

"Just wanted to find Jackson to tell him that, sir."

"I'll tell him for you," O'Neill muttered. _After I hog-tie him to a bed and make sure he knows my policy on knowing what goes on in my team._

 _His_ team.

Jack blinked.

Had he just included Jackson in that?

"Well then...sir...." Ferretti seemed to realize maybe he shouldn't have said anything as he saw Jack's jaw clench, iron gaze burning at a space behind him. Fidgeting, he backpedaled, hopping on his crutch, mumbled his farewells and hobbled out of there.

_"Ah...been hearing about people screwing up at Supply...say none of his sizes are available, paperwork from Housing's getting lost, people giving him the stare at the service, bumping into him and stuff like that."_

Jack's lips thinned to a tight line, the corner of his right eye twitching. He stood there, arms crossed, fists bunched as it occurred to him that Jackson hadn't said one word about all this when he was over there. Daniel had his chance and he didn't say one word.

Was this what it was going to be like when they went out on missions?

The colonel's face darkened further. 

Jackson was beginning to sound more and more unpredictable now.

_"How much would I remember if you chose me?" the young scientist pleaded to the dispassionate faces of the Goa'uld lords who came surveying them like fresh meat._

Jack's frown wavered and a sad, understanding look came over his face. 

_"Something of the host must survive," Daniel's eyes glistened with tears, his voice cracking as he did the unthinkable in Jack's eyes: reached out to the enemy and begged._

Jack's shoulders slumped. How many times would Daniel reach out to the enemy with that much desperation?

Or would he one day bring back the archeologist's corpse in a body bag?

A cold shiver ran up Jack's spine.

_"It gives you time to think."_

_"Time, sir?"_

_"To decided for sure if Doctor Jackson really belongs in SG-1."_

Jack _thought_ he was sure. He really did. 

_"How much would I remember if you chose me?"_

But now....

He needed to have a talk with Jackson. Now.

O'Neill glanced back down at the box, the contents waiting for the assigned officer to come and take with him when he escorts Kawalsky's body home. Staring at it for a second, Jack stiffened up, shoulders back...

And saluted.

_"It has been a hell of an honor serving with you, sir."_

"Same here, Major," Jack whispered. "Same here."

And with that, O'Neill walked out, carefully and quietly closing the door behind him.

 

"What do you mean he's not here?"

Carter winced at the colonel's raised voice. She remembered looking up, startled as O'Neill, his face red, came busting in the lab room where she had been teaching Teal'c the ways of the base. Teal'c was surprised and even looked as if he were ready to defend her, to her mix of surprise and irritation at the automatic "save the defenseless female" response. Dark eyes checking around, O'Neill gritted out a "Where's Jackson?" 

Carter was the unlucky soul who got to tell him the archeologist wasn't here. "He's not here, sir," the captain repeated as she waved at the lab, its tables cluttered with dismantled weaponry she was showing Teal'c. "Why?"

"He was going to come down here and talk to you," Jack said numbly, his eyes scanning the room once more. 

"Doctor Daniel Jackson wished to speak with me?" Teal'c stood up, posture tensing as if he were readying himself for the meeting with the archeologist. "I would be honored to speak with him."

"Wait in line," Jack muttered. He ran a hand through his hair and scowled. "Damn. He was coming here then grab some sleep. Where the hell is he?"

Sam and Teal'c looked at each other, confused.

 

"Thank you," Daniel murmured as the driver let him out. The sergeant, openly unhappy with acting as a chauffeur, looked around the area with a frown, the dark streets practically deserted at this hour. Despite his annoyance, the soldier was quite aware that this wasn't a good area.

"You sure I can't drop you off anywhere else, Doctor Jackson?" the sergeant asked tentatively.

"No," Daniel tried to smile but failed. "This will be fine." He fingered his wallet, still wrapped in the plastic it had been stored in. Eyeing the motel sign flickering across the street, he shook his head at the driver. "This is fine."

"Okay...." the soldier shrugged, "we'll be picking you up in oh-seven-hundred two days from now then?"

 _Why don't they just say seven o'clock?_ Daniel forced another pleasant smile out. "Uh...that would be fine. Thank you."

Grunting, the driver didn't even say good night and drove off, the sedan making the corner, wheels screeching as it steered for the highway back to Cheyenne Mountain.

Standing there, hands in his pockets, Daniel watched the rear taillights fade away from his sight. He shivered, wishing he'd worn an extra T-shirt besides the stuff he borrowed from Jack. Daniel zipped the thin leather jacket higher and walked over to the flashing neon sign, his hands deep inside his pockets.

 

"What do you mean he signed out?" Jack stared at the clipboard the front gate guard was showing him, the crooked scrawl of Daniel's signature gazing back at him. O'Neill started to pace around the small lab in front of Carter and Teal'c. "He doesn't even have a car. How the hell did he leave?"

"Someone was sent to drive him into town," Lieutenant Wright said, his eyes trying to stay forward, back ramrod straight as the colonel grumbled to himself. The soldier swallowed visibly as the colonel circled around him, jaw set, muttering to himself. Wright kept glancing back nervously, sunburned freckled skin sweating considerably even in the air-conditioned room.

"Why?" Pacing back and forth in the lab, Jack scowled at his watch and swore softly at the time. 

"Figured he must have gotten a place set up already from Placement, sir. They must have expedited his request because he's a civilian." The soldier wasn't able to hide the distaste of that thought and Jack growled.

"Placement didn't even get his papers!" O'Neill practically roared, arms flung out angrily in the air.

The lieutenant flinched. Carter winced sympathetically but her own lips pursed at the idea that someone might have interfered with the paperwork. She looked over to Teal'c and saw the same disapproval in the alien warrior's eyes, but he said nothing.

Carter tried to placate her CO. "Sir, maybe Daniel went to a hotel or something. It must be hard for him to get used to the sirens and the alarms going off all around him and—" She stopped when Jack spun around and shot her a smothering look.

"Why didn't Placement get his request forms?" Jack stalked up, his face inches away from Wright's. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I w-wouldn't know, sir!"

"Oh...you wouldn't know?" Jack pretended to think it over very carefully, scratching his chin. His voice lowered and he continued in a slow, soft deliberate voice. "Then, I trust I can get you to...find out for me?"

Wright stammered, his freckles paling along with the rest of his face. "Y-yes sir." 

"Maybe you can spread the word around, too, that I would be very...happy...if anyone can also find his pay packet forms as well."

"Y-yes...s-sir," Wright squeaked, his knees visibly knocking.

"Very...happy," Jack repeated and then saluted, effectively dismissing the soldier. He arched an eyebrow as the soldier gave a hasty wave towards his head before fleeing, nearly running into the door in his haste to escape.

"Sir...what's going on?" Carter got up from her seat as soon as the door slammed shut. 

O'Neill scowled at the door. "Better be nothing," he muttered. 

"We get a lot of personnel coming in and out of here, sir. His papers must have gotten mixed up along the—" Sam gulped when he shot her another look. "Okay," she amended, "maybe not." Meekly, she sat back down and decided to fiddle around with the weapon parts instead.

"Guy got enough bricks on his back," Jack muttered. His eyes narrowed. "This is the last thing he needs right now."

"Doctor Daniel Jackson did not come down to speak with us," Teal'c pointed out. 

"He was tired," Jack murmured.

Teal'c looked back steadily at him. "Perhaps."

Carter perked up with a thought. "Sir, you think Daniel was maybe uncomfortable with talking to Teal—"

"Captain," O'Neill's stern voice interrupted her and she clamped shut again with a sheepish nod.

"I am responsible for the capture of his wife and brother." Teal'c said, his voice containing no anger. "It would be understandable why he would wish not to speak with me."

"He knows it wasn't your fault."

Carter kept her mouth shut this time, but she could tell the colonel wasn't buying it one bit. 

"I'll see you kids later," Jack muttered, waving half-heartedly at them.

"Where are you going?" Carter rose from her seat, surprised. Judging the way O'Neill had reacted before—although she still couldn't understand why—she would have thought he would do more than just go home.

"Going to find me an archeologist," O'Neill mumbled and was out the door before she could even blink.

 

"Full," Daniel repeated dully.

The elderly motel clerk shrugged, not looking up from his paper. He scratched his spotty scalp as he mumbled. "That's what I said."

"But your light is still on."

"It's always on," the clerk laughed, yellow smoker's teeth baring as he enjoyed his own joke. "Them lights been on since I don't know when. They're broken." The man peered over his squarish specs, studying him critically. "We got no rooms. Try the Holiday Inn down at Mercer's."

Daniel mentally tallied how much cash he had found in his wallet. He was surprised there was still money in there after a little over a year. 

When he found the wallet in a storage box, wrapped in plastic, stamped 'personal property' and a number tagged to it, Daniel listlessly flipped through it and realized.

All his ID was useless, expired.

His credit cards.

His driver's license.

Even the school ID from the last university he'd been tossed out of before meeting Catherine was outdated.

Daniel Jackson didn't exist here.

Dan-yel, as his wife called him, and her family were the only ones who gave two shits about who he was.

They had cried when he left. 

No one here had shed a tear when he had taken the gamble and impulsively left for Cheyenne Mountain a year earlier. 

No one. 

"Well?" the clerk glared at him, his paper rustling noisily as he wondered why Daniel was still standing there in front of his check-in counter. "You don't know where it is?" He grunted at the archeologist's silent shake of the head. "Go down four blocks and hang a right at the bar and go up five more. It's the brightest thing on that block. And it got its lights on, too!" the clerk guffawed before ducking back into his reading. He snapped his paper crisply, signaling the conversation was over. 

"Thank you," Daniel mumbled and stuck his wallet back in his pocket before leaving, without even a grunted farewell from the clerk as the doorbell chimed his departure.

Standing outside under the night sky, Daniel felt just as old as the employee inside. 

_Everything's different here._

Or maybe it was him.

Daniel rubbed his face wearily. He was tired. Despite the endless chugging of coffee before, he was feeling his back beginning to spasm, screaming for him to lie down somewhere, anywhere, even if he couldn't close his eyes. Eyes watering, he stared blankly at the direction he should be heading. Sticking his hands in his pockets, wondering what season it must be now for it to be so cold in Colorado, Daniel walked. 

 

The jeep screeched to a halt at the address the driver told O'Neill he had dropped Jackson off. Eyeing the empty streets, Jack frowned. The only possible place Daniel could have gone would be the ratty motel he spied across the street.

"Jackson, when I get my hands on you...." he muttered as he steered his vehicle towards the building. Parking crookedly over the white dividing lines and not giving a damn about it, Jack undid his seatbelt, vaulted out of his jeep and hurried over to the glass door that had a sign hanging crookedly, saying 'We come'.

A bell chimed faintly as he pushed open the door, but before he could say one word, an irritated gravelly voice grumbled out.

"I told you before; we're full."

"Excuse me?" Jack stood there, hand still on the door.

A bald old man peered over his counter and his frown eased up. Laughing, he waved his hand, embarrassed. "Heh, sorry there, fella. Thought you were that bum. Wouldn't leave."

"Bum?" An odd feeling prickled Jack's arms at the word. "Uh...this bum wouldn't be about yay tall," he lifted his hand above his brow, "and got light colored hair about this long, up hanging in his eyes?" he pretended to hold a long lock of hair over his own eyes.

The clerk nodded. "Yeah, came in about, oh, maybe half an hour ago or more. Told him there weren't any rooms. Just stood there like some kind of moron."

 _He got more Ph.D.s than you got hair_ , Jack thought grumpily as he plastered a smile. "Know which direction he went?"

"How the hell should I know? I got my own work to do." Waving his hand, the clerk smacked his lips as he coughed.

 _Work? Oh yeah, I can see you're really busy_ , O'Neill was sorely tempted to say, but he needed to know where Daniel was more. "Well...thanks anyway, then," _old geezer_ , he mentally added as he turned to leave.

"Wait."

Jack looked over his shoulder as the old man rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I told him to head over to the Holiday Inn down at Mercer's. Could be there."

This time, the smile was genuine. He thanked the clerk and was out the door before the bell could finish ringing completely. Hopping into his jeep, Jack backed out, wincing as he heard something crunch, hoped it wasn't crucial and headed for the place.

 

Daniel couldn't believe he was sitting here in the bar, nursing a drink he couldn't remember the name to; just that it had more than two types of alcohol in it and smelled like fruit.

After walking to the bar, about to make the right turn, Daniel stopped at the corner. Fumbling his wallet out once more, he made a count and groaned. He'd forgotten he only had maybe thirty dollars in there. 

Not enough for a hotel.

Rubbing his eyes, he moaned softly, realizing he really, really needed some sleep now and for a brief moment, contemplated calling Jack but discarded that idea quickly. Jack had just lost a friend. A good friend. Even if Daniel hadn't been on that very first mission, the snide remarks he had heard when he went down to the canteen to grab a spare coffeepot were clues enough. They were also good enough hints to tell him that calling the base for someone to pick him up right after dropping him off wouldn't be such a hot idea.

So what did he do?

Rather than try and find a cheaper motel, Daniel Jackson wandered into the seedy bar at that corner and asked for a drink.

 _What am I doing here?_ Daniel rubbed his eyes again. They felt hot when he closed them. His shoulders kept slumping; he couldn't even sit straight. 

_"I'm just the opposite...I'll never forgive myself. But sometimes I can forget...sometimes."_

Jackson stared at the glass in his cupped hands. The milky substance swirled like the lights on the Stargate, spinning, distorting, beckoning to him all the marvels of the universe, including one beautiful face with bright dark eyes and the kind of smile he had never seen directed at him before—until Sha're.

The young man tilted the glass back against his lips and swallowed the drink in one gulp.

It burned all the way down his throat like acid and morbidly, he wondered if that was what felt like when a Goa'uld larva forced its way into a person's mind, soul, and body. 

Daniel waved his hand to the bartender, signaling for another drink. 

The bartender didn't blink, didn't even remark that maybe he had had too much. The cash Daniel flashed was enough for him and the man just wiped his hands on a dirty apron and swiftly whipped up another drink.

Which Daniel downed just as quickly.

The archeologist squeezed his eyes shut, feeling liquid fire going down his stomach. Numbly, he recalled he hadn't had anything to eat yet. When Daniel went to get his coffee, he forgot, but after what he heard whispering behind his back, he wasn't keen about going back to the canteen to get something to eat, so food was promptly forgotten. _Now_ , he thought as he waved to the bartender for another, _it's going to go straight to my head. I know better than to drink on an empty stomach._

_"Dan-yel, what is Skaara making over there by the loom?" Sha're stood there, hands on hips as she scrutinized her husband carefully._

_Daniel flushed. "Um...nothing...." He fidgeted, lifting the rope he was weaving up towards her. "How's that?"_

_"You wound the coil too tight in the middle." She stooped down and guided his hand to that spot. "Neet? Shu mai comb no toka?"_

_Smiling, Daniel nodded to show he understood and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. Sha're smiled, her head dipping down as she flushed. Then, her mouth pouted._

_"You did not answer my question, Dan-yel," she scolded._

_Nuts, he thought. It didn't work. "Uh...he's making...moonshine...." Daniel looked at her and grinned sheepishly._

_"Moon...shine?" Sha're made a face as she tried to recall and then she stood up in shock. "Moonshine? Yu ma tinche?"_

_"Um...yeah."_

_"He can not drink that!" his wife exclaimed as she crossed her hands in front._

_"He is regarded as a man by your culture already," Daniel reminded her._

_"But he is not skilled in drinking your world's wine."_

_"It's not wine and he's not drinking it. I mean...he shouldn't be...not before dinner. He wanted to learn how to make it and- what?" Daniel frowned when he saw Sha're looking out the doorway of their hut into the market square._

_"He is burning the shepherd's cat's tail."_

_"What?" Daniel shot up to his feet as well and dashed over to the opening. He groaned when he saw Skaara and his friends, giggling with high shrieks as they waved the burning twig around the howling feline. Their red faces told him that they were clearly not just making the beverage, but imbibing, as well._

_"Dan-yel," Sha're said in a warning tone._

_"I'm going, I'm going," he yelped as he scrambled over, debating whether he should save the cat first or stop the boys from dipping into the kettle once more._

 

Daniel felt sick.

The noise in the place finally cracked through his reverie and hammered in his head. His eyes could barely stay open and he couldn't tell if it was because of the drinks or the fact that he needed to drop down on something soft and close his eyes, hoping the dreams this time would be kind. 

He needed to leave this place.

Lurching to his feet, plopping down whatever he had in his wallet and hoping to God it was enough, Daniel stumbled away to leave when he felt a hard surface bump him.

"Hey," someone whined, "watch it."

Daniel thought he said sorry but maybe the bystander didn't hear because soon after that, a fist bunched around his jacket and jerked him an inch off the floor. Foul breath wafted over Daniel and he gagged as a flushed, ruddy face came to view.

"You little shit...you spilled my drink."

"Mark, stop causing trouble in my bar. I told you before-"

"He bumped into him first!" another nasal voice garbled out.

Daniel felt someone shake him and dazed, he fumbled around until his hands clasped over a meaty wrist. He couldn't pull it off as the man shook him again. Vaguely, he heard someone else behind this one, calling out encouragingly at the confrontation.

"I told you, Mark! Stop making trouble in my place here-"

"This piece of garbage bumped into me-"

"You were too drunk to even get out of his way. Now let him go."

Beady eyes zoomed in on him and Daniel turned his head away at the stench as the guy burped.

"Not 'til he pays for my drink," Mark slurred. Daniel felt him give him another shake.

"That's it. Get out. You're not smashing up my place again. You too, buddy. You can take it outside."

Staggering, Daniel jerked away from the man, his hands pushing the drunk away. He couldn't remember if he said anything to him but suddenly he was outside, the cold night air biting at his cheeks like needles. Tilting his head up, Daniel saw the stars out and numbly wondered which one she was on.

"Stupid piece of shit-"

Daniel felt something slam down hard his back and he gasped. More surprised than hurt, since the attacker was too drunk to even hit straight, he stumbled back, turning around to face his attacker. He was dismayed to find his surroundings still spinning without him. Jackson wove crookedly, then the ground straightened and he saw two men...no, four...no, two.

"Think you're all that?" the larger man Daniel decided must be Mark, snarled at him, the man not looking too steady himself.

"Must think you're sooo smart," the other spat out. 

Daniel squinted at him. "Actually, a doctor," he mumbled before he felt a fist brush against his shoulder. Startled, he lashed back, his fist connecting with something obviously important, because he heard a howl, then a loud thump. But before he could check, he felt his arms jerked back behind him and that hurt.

Actually, now his shoulder hurt too. 

_Strange_ , he thought blearily as he saw Mark standing over him, his face redder than it was before. _I guess he's mad,_ Daniel thought before he felt a hand grab him by the throat. Dimly, he wondered why no one was coming to his aid or at least to check out the commotion. When he felt the grip tighten, the two men laughing as they thought they had him, Daniel felt a surge of anger, saw Sha're's face and tensed.

Then he kicked his foot out and smacking it right on Mark's stomach.

The drunk bellowed as the other shouted and Daniel was slammed onto the sidewalk.

Breathless, Daniel didn't hear a third voice shouting as a car skidded to a halt a few feet away. He was too busy trying to get up and the wall he was trying to hold on to kept slipping away from his grasp--like everything else in his life. He squeezed his burning eyes shut and opened them again, but the wall didn't look any more solid. The young man fumbled, backing away as the voices got louder, one in particular.

"Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?"

"Man, let's get out of here!"

"But he-"

"Let's go, man!"

Daniel groaned as he felt a fist grab him by the jacket, shaking him once more. He whipped his hand out, heard something crunch, then the person squealed in pain, before he was released so he could promptly crumble to the ground once more.

As footsteps faded away from him, he lifted his head. A shadow wavered close then far away and he heard a pair of footsteps coming closer now. Thinking it was one of them returning, Daniel tensed.

"Shit! Hey, hey...it's me." Hands swept over his shoulders as if inspecting him. Daniel pushed the hands away, shuffling away backwards until he met the brick wall scraping behind him. He swallowed the moan as he tried valiantly to kick whoever it was trying to hurt him. "Whoa! Whoa! Hang on there! It's me!"

"Wha?" Daniel's head swayed up and down as he tried to focus. Gradually, spiky hair and a narrow, worried face came to view. Blinking, eyes tearing, he saw brown eyes, a thin grim mouth and-

"J-Jack?" Daniel rubbed his left eye then winced, pulling his hand away. He gaped at the cracked, bloody skin stretching over his knuckles. "Wha?"

The stern mouth opened and was saying something, but Daniel didn't understand. Frowning, leaning forward, he wondered why Jack was whispering, why the colonel looked so upset when he looked down. So the archeologist followed his gaze and saw the blood spotting the worn, faded brown jacket.

Daniel moaned.

"Hey, easy...come on...let me...help you...urk...up...." Daniel felt himself being pulled up and he staggered until he felt an arm wrap around his waist like a child. He felt nauseated, his stomach churning as he realized he couldn't stand on his own, couldn't walk without help. 

And the jacket was dirty.

"Oh...." Daniel heard his voice sounding far away. "I think...I...broke your j-jacket...." He slipped out of Jack's grasp and felt forward to the sidewalk before the lights from the buildings around him blinked out.

 

Jack thought he had seen everything. Going to another planet should at least count high on that "To Do" list. And going through big round donuts to travel the universe should tie, too.

But driving by and seeing one Daniel Jackson getting into a fist fight with two men?

His foot almost stomped on the brake before the alien concept registered in his brain.

"Son of a bitch!" a burly man shouted as he staggered back. Daniel was being pinned by another, but obviously he wasn't participating willingly. Jackson was thrashing as O'Neill kicked his jeep into reverse, driving back over to the trio. He saw one wrap a large hand around Daniel's throat, the gasp audible even from a distance, and Jack poured on more speed to get to Daniel. Fists bunched around the steering wheel, Jack almost crashed into the sidewalk when he saw Daniel rear back and kick his assailant square in the stomach.

 _I'll be damned_ , Jack thought as he stopped his vehicle. His voice erupted into a loud roar when he saw the smaller attacker shove his friend hard to the ground.

"Hey!" he leaped out of his jeep as he saw the bigger of the two raise his foot to kick Jackson. "What the hell are you doing?"

Daniel took the opportunity to roll away and staggered a crooked line backward into the alley behind the bar. The two men froze as they realized the odds were now balanced and the fight might not go their way. The beefy guy slipped into the alley and Jack shouted angrily, racing after him, fists raised. 

As he got to the alley, he heard a high-pitched yell and to his amazement, saw the large man clutching his nose and fleeing, his friend scrambling after his heels. He stood there, gaping as they ran, his fists still clenched, and ready for a fight that was obviously over.

Then he heard a moan.

"Daniel?" he called out worriedly but didn't hear another sound. Hands dropping to his sides, his chest pounding as if he had run from Cheyenne Mountain, Jack crept into the alley, warily checking to make sure there was no one else lurking about. "Daniel?"

The dim light that shone on the side exit of the bar flickered and he almost missed the huddled form on the dirty ground. Jack's throat closed up as he saw light hair, head bowed close to the chest as the figure pathetically tried to stand. When the young man tried once more and failed, Jack ran over there.

"Shit!" O'Neill choked when he saw the mess, the nasty bruise already forming around Daniel's pale throat, damp bangs clinging to his forehead, almost hiding the discoloring there. Jack frantically brushed his hands around the shoulders and his arms, making sure there weren't any breaks before moving him. Abruptly, Jackson's head whipped up, eyes half shut, his legs kicking out. Jack winced as one foot caught him in the ankle. "Hey, hey...it's me." The archeologist didn't seem to hear him and his cut up fists lashed out. Jack jerked his head back to avoid them "Whoa! Whoa! Hang on there! It's me!"

Daniel stilled and weaving side to side, his eyes fluttered open, bloodshot and glazed.

"Wha?" Daniel looked like he was falling forward so Jack whipped out his arms to brace him.

"J-Jack?" Rubbing his eyes with his hands, the young archeologist then flinched and pulled his hand away to gawk at it. "Wha?" He blinked at it owlishly and Jack cringed at the sight of the cut up hand. Apparently, Daniel had gotten in a few good blows. He looked at Jackson now with a bit of awe. He pushed that aside though when he saw Daniel swallowing, looking paler than before, any drunken flush gone the moment the adrenaline started to seep. 

The colonel slipped his hands under Daniel's armpits and heaved, grunting as the full weight of his friend pulled at him. "Hey, easy...come on...let me...help you...urk...up...." Jack gasped as he snaked an arm around the archeologist's waist.

Daniel stared at Jack sideways before looking down at himself.

"Oh...." Jackson's voice sounded small. "I think...I...broke your j-jacket...." 

Before Jack could say it was okay, he felt Daniel slip out of his hold and crash down hard on his knees. Jack shouted, alarmed, but the scientist fell face first into the pavement before he could catch him.

"Damn it," O'Neill seethed as he kneeled down once more and inspected the damage. Daniel, half dazed, made a face when he felt Jack's fingers probing the side of his head. Mumbling, his hand slapped Jack's away.

Rubbing his hand ruefully, Jack shook his head and tried lifting Daniel up again, flipping one arm around his shoulder, another around his waist. Jackson mumbled something, head lolling forward but didn't waken.

"You better have a good explanation for this, Jackson," O'Neill groused as he half carried, half dragged his friend's semi-conscious body all the way to the jeep, angrily ignoring the curious stares of people who wouldn't help out before. 

Daniel gave sort of a half-whimper and was quiet again.

Jack looked down at his friend's bowed head and his eyes softened.

"What am I going to do with you?" O'Neill murmured as he reached the jeep. Carefully, he set Daniel down on the passenger seat, running a hand over Daniel's shoulders and head again to make sure there was nothing serious. Other than looking annoyed at being disturbed, Daniel didn't react to the examination. 

"Great," O'Neill mumbled to himself as he eyed the purpling bruise on Daniel's temple and the one around his throat, "I got myself a Conan the archeologist here."

Jackson just groaned, head rolling to the side.

Sobering, the colonel snapped the seat belt in place, securing his friend in his seat and stood there, hands on hips, chewing his lower lip thoughtfully.

Where to now?

Definitely not the base. If Daniel wanted to stay there, he would have been there dozing away in some spare bunkroom and Jack would have been home, downing beers in solitude as he had his own private memorial service to his friend. 

"Guess we both have stuff we wanted to drown out," Jack murmured sympathetically. He studied his friend's haggard face and suddenly realized that this was probably the only other time Daniel really got to sleep. "How about we head back to my place and finish our chat?"

Daniel yawned, head rolling to the other side now. Jack grinned, shaking his head once again.

"I'll take that as a yes." 

Hopping back into his jeep, Jack started his car and carefully drove out, heading for the highway to reach his home.

 

_"Sha're...it's me."_

_Eyes flashed at him arrogantly, no recognition for her husband._

_Daniel waved his hands open, eyes pleading as he took another step further. "Sha're...."_

_She whipped her hand out, a gem glowing in the middle of her palm, and he froze._

_"No!" he cried out as the beam lashed out and struck Jack, Carter and a few other soldiers. He dropped down to avoid the next attack and somehow, a gun appeared in his hands._

_Without thinking, he fired._

_She dropped to the ground wordlessly._

_And he screamed._

"No!" Thrashing, Daniel tried to drop the gun he could feel in his hands, legs kicking out as he tried to run over to her, to her body, to beg her not to die, not to leave-

"Take it easy!" hands came out of nowhere, pinning him down again and he found he couldn't move. 

"No! Get away! Sha're!"

Someone was shushing him, a hand grabbing his wrists and aggravating a sore spot there and he cried out angrily. Back arching, Daniel tried to shove the assailant off before he felt another hand gripping his shoulder.

"It's okay. Calm down. It's just me. Come on, Daniel...."

Tired, exhausted, he couldn't fight anymore and dropped his hands. They could do whatever they want; he didn't care anymore. She was gone. He lost. 

"Deep breaths, Jackson. That's it...." A hand stroked his forehead and he found it calming. He tried to open his eyes but they felt so heavy. Everything felt heavy, weighty, dragging him down against a soft surface. He felt like he was sinking in churning water; whatever it was below him moving every time he did. He tried to open his eyes again and squinted at the bright lights searing his eyes all the way to the back of his skull.

Groaning, he turned to his side and the lights disappeared. But that tactic made his stomach roll and he clutched it, moaning. Sweet bile flooded up his throat and he coughed. Convulsing, he vomited the vile taste out and felt his throat burning as it had before. Head spinning, even with his eyes shut, he curled up on his side, deciding that even the stench of his own vomit wasn't enough to make him move.

Hands insistently rolled him onto his back, one slipping behind his shoulders, lifting until he was sitting up. Grumbling, Daniel tried to tell whomever it was to back off, to leave him alone, hadn't he had enough enemies to fight already? Couldn't he get a moment's peace? Just for a second?

"Come on, you don't want to lie down there," a voice floated over to him. "Over here."

Someone was pushing him away from the stink. He was too tired to push back so he just let the person shove him sideways. His eyes fluttered open when he felt a hard surface just nudging him below the ribs. Screwing them shut as light assaulted him, Daniel tried to curl up against it.

Swearing softly, the person let go of him and moved away. Through closed eyes, Daniel could feel the lights around him dimming and he cautiously reopened them again. Soft muted light greeted him and he opened them wider.

"Awake?" Jack was kneeling in front of him, holding out a paper cup. 

Daniel stared at the colonel. Why was Jack here? Wasn't he still in the bar? He turned his head, confused and getting even more so when he saw the muted colors of Jack's living room and wondered if he had dreamed everything.

_"Sha're...it's me...."_

_"Kneel before your Queen!"_

Daniel dropped his aching head in his hands. It wasn't a dream.

"Hey," Jack shook Daniel's shoulder as gently as he could, but Daniel swallowed as it made his eyes water and his stomach churn.

"Drink." A paper cup pressed against his lips and Daniel flinched instinctively, unsure what it was. But Jack loomed over him, exasperated, pressing it closer to him. Too tired to ask, Daniel just opened his mouth. When he tasted cool water, he shakily took hold of the cup and drank the whole thing eagerly.

"Better?" the colonel asked quietly.

 _Not really_ , but Daniel nodded anyway. He opened his mouth to speak when he felt his throat clenching as if trying to swallow something large. He gulped but then realized it wasn't working.

Jack must have understood and said nothing as he hauled him up, catching him as Daniel couldn't hold his balance and nearly fell sideways. Then, quickly, ignoring Daniel's mumbled protests to slow down and wait for his legs to catch up, O'Neill steered him straight for the bathroom and set him down swiftly in front of the toilet.

Daniel restrained from ducking his head completely into it as he retched out the last of whatever it was he had consumed. Heaving, gasping, he couldn't find the strength to even push away from it and just rested his forehead on the edge, wincing as he felt a Band-Aid on his temple, but too exhausted to sit up. Again, Jack seemed to understand how he was feeling and eased him back. 

Eyes closed, Daniel felt himself being propped against the tub, the plastic curtain brushing against his cheek as he leaned his head on the tile walls.

When he felt a cool, damp cloth placed in his hands, he opened his eyes again and saw Jack sitting there on the floor, wearing a frown as he gave him a look over. Smiling wanly, Daniel just plopped the moist towel over his eyes and sank lower so his head could rest on the tub rim.

"We should get that looked at."

Daniel lifted one corner of the towel to peer at Jack. The colonel pointed at his neck.

"I'm fine," Jackson croaked out, wincing as his sore throat ached.

"Sure, that was why you left base to wander the streets of Colorado Springs, picking fights."

"I wasn't." Daniel coughed as his throat began to bother him again. "I wasn't picking fights. I was just having a drink." He lowered the towel and used it to wipe his mouth. He made a face as he tasted the nasty aftereffects of his impulsive drinking.

Jack leaned forward and sniffed at him, then made a face. "Yeah? Smells like you had more than one." He cocked his head towards him. "Should have stayed a cheap date, Jackson. And what the hell were you doing out?"

"What? I can't leave the base?" Daniel asked peevishly as he tossed the towel into the tub and staggered to his feet. He waved off Jack's hand and clung to the walls.

"I didn't say that, but I got the impression before that you didn't want to leave until- Now where do you think you're going?" Jack crossed his arms, glaring at the young man as he feebly made his way to the couch and towards the door.

"Back...to the base...." Daniel gasped as he swerved around the coffee table before he fell on the couch with a thump. The room rocked left and right before him.

"Oh, now you want to go back?"

Daniel glowered at Jack but said nothing as he got up again.

Snorting, the colonel went over and eyed him once before deliberately leaning over and gave Daniel a push with one hand.

Daniel fell back on the sofa with a grunt. 

"What did you do that for?" the young scientist demanded, his face flushed. Daniel shot him a glare from his stuck position buried in the pile of cushions. 

"You're not going anywhere," Jack announced. 

Daniel gaped at him. "What?"

"You're staying right here, get some Zs." O'Neill nodded to himself as if the decision was made and casually snagged Daniel's arm, tugging at the jacket. "Come on, my guest room is still empty, you can go grab a shower and-"

"Damn it, Jack! What are you doing?" Daniel pulled his arm back, wincing as his shoulder throbbed. 

Jack noted the reaction but made no comment as he grabbed Daniel roughly by the arm. Jackson started, his eyes wide with apprehension now as he stared at O'Neill. 

He acted as if the colonel was going to throw him against the wall. Ferretti's words came back to haunt him.

_"Ah...been hearing about people screwing up at Supply...say none of his sizes are available, paperwork from Housing's getting lost, people giving him the stare at the service, bumping into him and stuff like that."_

Jack let go of the arm and backed away. Surprised, Daniel didn't bolt, watching him warily as O'Neill sighed.

"Look, you can barely walk, much less go back without any transportation. How did you think you were getting back?" Jack snorted. "It's almost two in the morning and I sure as hell am not going to drive you back at this hour. And you," he added, "don't have a car."

Daniel's shoulders slumped and Jack swore under his breath.

_Great going, O'Neill. Remind the guy what he doesn't have right now, why don't you?_

"Not that I can drive anyway," Daniel murmured, his shoulders dropping further. His eyes on the floor, he whispered, "I don't have a license or ID to my name." He shrugged one shoulder as if he didn't care. "What does it matter, though? I should have been staying at the base, getting those translations done, working on finding her not," the scientist's face darkened, "sitting around somewhere like some no good—"

"Hey!" Jack cut in sharply. "You're not made of stone and you're not invincible! Cut yourself some slack here!" He didn't know why listening to Daniel was getting him so upset. And watching the young man looking so dejected made him angrier and angrier. "Running away doesn't solve anything either!"

Daniel's head shot up. "I wasn't running away!"

"Oh?" O'Neill's voice rose. "So what the hell did you call that stunt?" He pointed to Daniel heatedly. "You were going to talk to Carter and Teal'c then get some sleep! What the hell were you doing wandering around the streets like some sort of derelict?"

Jackson looked away, his mouth clamped shut, saying nothing, and it made Jack boil inside.

"Damn it, Jackson! How the hell are we going to work as a team if you don't tell me everything?"

Daniel stiffened. Jack froze.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the young man said stiffly. 

Jack snorted. "I think you do. I heard about your...difficulties with some forms."

The young man bit his lip and kept silent. 

"Ah damn, Daniel. Why didn't you tell me?" Jack sighed, his voice suddenly softer. Daniel blinked at the change and lifted his eyes up towards O'Neill. He seemed to shrink at the expression of sympathy in his eyes and he coughed, looking away. Jack sighed once more and Daniel flushed. "Never mind. Look...why don't you get some sleep and we'll talk about this later?"

"I'm not tired."

"I got some extra sweats you can borrow," Jack went on, ignoring the soft spoken protest, "and you can grab a shower first if you want. It'll make those bruises feel better. I'll get some soup on the stove for you. You're probably still queasy. Soup would be good for now."

"I'm not—" Daniel paused when he saw Jack pinned him with an odd look. Swallowing, he nodded as Jack pointed to the direction towards the bathroom again. 

"It'll get better, Daniel," Jack said quietly. Daniel gave him a puzzled look before slowly making his way back to the bathroom. O'Neill waited until he heard the shower running before he headed to the kitchen. Grabbing a can of chicken noodle, he stared at the fridge where he kept his beer and mentally told himself that it could wait. Nodding, oddly glad for something to do other than sitting on the couch with a beer, Jack heated up the soup as he considered what else Daniel might be able to stomach.

 

Carter jumped when she heard the phone intercom buzzed. Shrugging at Teal'c, who was staring at the phone with fascination, she picked it up and accepted the call transfer.

"Captain Carter," she answered as she watched Teal'c once more tried to rebuild the Glock piece by piece. She smiled. The Jaffa was a fast learner that's for sure.

"Darn, I wanted to hear you call yourself Doc," a wry voice responded through the speakerphone and Carter rolled her eyes.

"Hello, sir, what's up?" she gaped at her watch. "It's two o'clock?" Sam rubbed her eyes. Where had the time gone?

"Brilliant deduction, Captain," O'Neill said in a dry voice. "I can see why they call you doctor, Doctor."

Carter glared at the phone—as if it would do her any good. "Yes, sir? Anything wrong?"

"Did he find Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c inquired, his hands pausing over the task he was practicing.

"Yeah, I found Daniel Jackson," O'Neill replied, overhearing Teal'c's question. "Uh, we may have a...situation, though...."

"Ferretti swung by and let us know the forms were...found and are being processed," Carter interrupted. She heard the colonel breathe a sigh of relief.

"That's great, too...."

 _Too?_ Carter thought with surprise. She exchanged a look with Teal'c, who was standing up now. "Uh...is Daniel okay?"

"We may be a little delayed with our first mission, kids."

Carter winced. That didn't sound good. She felt a twinge as she recalled Daniel's weary face the rare times they had a chance to talk before Kawalsky died. And from what the colonel had heard from Wright before... 

Her face determined, she spoke up. "Anything we can do?"

"Don't know...maybe...." O'Neill paused as if unsure how to say it. He cleared his throat audibly through the phone line. "How about a wee delay?"

"A...delay?" the captain was mystified. She blankly gaped at the hanging phone. "You mean...the mission? But we've been preparing for it for some time. We're sending in the probe tomorrow to see what are the conditions and—"

"The weapon has broken," Teal'c abruptly announced and Carter whirred around. She gawked at the sight of the Glock, in pieces again, parts stuck in the wrong slots. She blinked at the Jaffa, who returned the look with an arched eyebrow as if daring her to dispute otherwise.

Jack's chuckle was audible through the speaker. "I guess you need a little more work there, huh, Captain?"

Groaning, Carter gave up and just went along with it. "I guess so, sir. I would probably need another...um...day to prep Teal'c?"

"Yeah...another day...." O'Neill's voice lowered. "We'll be back soon, then."

"I'll let them know to send the probe instead in the following morning. Tell Daniel hi-" she stopped when she heard the dial tone. She turned around and eyed the Jaffa.

"Broken, huh?" Carter repeated. Teal'c merely bowed his head slightly. 

 

Daniel stood there in the shower and let the hot water run down his back. He probed the round discoloring on his shoulder where the drunk had struck and winced. It didn't hurt as bad as he thought it looked, but he knew it didn't look good either.

_Then again, drinking and fighting must really make such a good impression on your team commander too!_

He moaned softly as he realized how much of an idiot he must look when Jack drove up and saw him there on the ground. Shaking his head, he leaned forward against the shower stall and tried to convince himself that it wasn't that bad.

Jack wouldn't kick him off the team.

Jack knew how important it was for Daniel to be on that team.

Daniel never complained. He didn't try to cause any more trouble around the base, didn't mean to cause such a stir among the majority of the base, but...

Somehow, Jack found out.

And surely, Jack didn't approve.

So where did that leave Daniel?

"Sha're," he whispered and sniffed. Tears he couldn't dare spill before trickled down slowly, mixing with the hot water washing down his face and he closed his eyes tight. Now was not the time. In fact, there could never be a time for this.

Sha're was out there. She was waiting. He had to help her. He had to find her.

But if only he could succumb...just for a second and let his heart finish breaking so he could clamp down on it and get back to work.

 _Just for a second_ , he thought and sank down in the stall, his forehead up against the tiles, and wept finally for his loss, for the empty feeling in his arms.

 

Jack grimaced as he cleaned up the souvenir Daniel had left him on the couch. Nose wrinkling up at the smell, Jack wondered if he could get compensated for the cleaning bill, but he doubted it. 

_Somehow, I doubt activities of a nosy team leader really count as a deductible expense_ , Jack thought ruefully as he kept one ear on the bathroom. Daniel had been in there for a long time and he was tempted to bang on the door and make sure the guy hadn't dozed off.

Kneeling there, scrubbing the couch, Jack wondered briefly about what the hell was he doing. He had been all set to go home, pop open a few and let the morning sun shine on his face through his living room window. He had been all ready to sit here and dwell on the lost of a good friend when now he suddenly got a semi-coherent geek probably barfing his guts out in his bathroom. 

Jack sat down on his coffee table and stared blankly at the sofa. He was in the kitchen when he heard Daniel cry out. He'd never heard such desperation in the young man's voice before and when he dashed back into the living room, he found Jackson having a wrestling match with the other jacket Jack had draped over him. 

No, wait.

O'Neill scrubbed his face with his hands.

That wasn't the first time he had heard such a voice.

_"So, the Stargate can go...other places?" Looking up at the towering panels, Jack tilted his cap back to see better. He ran his tongue over his lower lip as he realized how many symbols were on the panels._

_"The aliens could have come from...anywhere," Carter said in an awed voice._

_Kawalsky ran a hand through his hair. "Shit."_

_"Yeah," Jack murmured. "Captain, might as well record as much as you can with video."_

_Daniel nodded absently as he craned his neck, trying to scan the entire thing. "I have some notes here." He rummaged around the torch platform, pulling out stiff leaves of paper bound with a thick cord of thread. He smiled, embarrassed for some reason as he handed them to Carter. "Although, I hadn't...really gotten far with the translations yet or listing all the symbols and-"_

_"Wow, did you wrote this all yourself?" Carter thumbed through the pages before staring at Daniel with amazement. "You have a lot of them down already!"_

_Flushing, Daniel shrugged. "I would have loved more time down here but-"_

_"Sha're would have made him sleep outside the hut again if he did," one of the Abydosian youths called out and the rest snickered._

_Daniel turned beet red._

_Kawalsky grinned as he slung his rifle over his shoulder and waggled his eyebrows at the scientist. "Oh? Sounds like your woman's been keeping you busy, Daniel."_

_"Well, um...."_

_"Any little Jacksons running around here?" the soldier quipped, his smile bigger as Daniel looked very nervous._

_"No, no, not...um yet," Jackson's eyes darted over to O'Neill. Jack shrugged one shoulder, knowing Jackson was remembering about his son's death and silently showed it was okay. Daniel gave an apologetic flicker of a smile before waving towards the chambers. "I've been very busy here and-"_

_"Sha're wants five," another youth quipped, his voice higher, betraying his age, and his friends laughed as Daniel sputtered. "She wanted to try here. We saw."_

_"Nega! You...." Daniel's ears tipped red as he rambled in their language and Jack had the feeling this was an old joke. He couldn't help but smile, as Jackson looked mortified when the kids made kissing sounds. Clearly Daniel was the blunt of their teasing, but Jack doubted he was really too upset about it._

_"Sir, I think I can fit the entire thing on the DAT tape," Carter called out, already taping the chamber wall by wall. She did look away though, with a small smile as the kids teased, shouting at Daniel who threw up his hand finally, giving up._

_Sitting down on one of the stones that lined the area, Jack watched as Daniel pointed animatedly at something for Carter. He winced as the responded in kind. Pretty soon, they were chattering away in a flurry worse than before._

_"He looks different," Kawalsky observed as he sat down next to Jack._

_Jack turned to look at the major. "Huh?"_

_"Daniel. He looks different."_

_"It's been a year, Kawalsky."_

_The major shook his head. "No, no. I mean he looks...I don't know...happy?"_

_Jack blinked and turned his head back towards Daniel. Staring at the young man, he realized that his friend was right. Jackson did look different now. Back on the first mission, there was a cautious air of...civility around the archeologist as if he were distancing himself from the others. He acted as if some of the stuff didn't bother him. Hell, the tossing of his books down the dunes only made him stare at the soldiers a moment before going after the stuff to retrieve it. No fits, no arguments, just a resigned acceptance of the fact that events like this would happen to him._

_"Catherine mentioned he was orphaned at a pretty young age," Kawalsky went on as he scoped out the chamber, making sure the perimeter was secure. "Pretty much alone most of his life."_

_"I read the file, Kawalsky," Jack said, his voice containing a warning edge. "That's his business. Don't go meddling around in his stuff."_

_Kawalsky shrugged. "I'm not. Just wondering how good a life could he have had with shit like that? Hell, her offer to join the project was probably the best thing that happened to him."_

_One kid said something as he ran up to Daniel and the man smiled, looking down at the youth, responding. Whatever it was, it must have been funny because suddenly, the young man gave a hearty laugh._

_The two soldiers jumped in their seats at the sound. Jack stared at Daniel, silently agreeing with Kawalsky's assessment._

_Daniel did look happy._

_And then the chamber shook, signaling that someone, something was coming through the Stargate._

 

O'Neill shook his head sadly. He could still hear that voice. When they were heading back, two of the survivors had met them with the news. Even then, Jackson hadn't said anything, increased his pace, running ahead of the soldiers. As they ran back to the Stargate room, the temple, before Jack even got inside, Daniel had run in and Jack heard him scream out Sha're's name.

It sounded so desperate, as if mixed with a prayer.

Jack tossed the sponge down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. 

Daniel had left everything behind that day. 

"Christ," Jack muttered as it finally hit him just how hard it was for Daniel to tell the Abydonians to seal up the Stargate. He couldn't go back. Not for another year and even then, he might still be alone. 

The water stopped running and Jack lifted his head, remembering Daniel didn't have any personal items with him. Frowning, he tried to recall if there were any clothes in those storage boxes but frankly, during the time of their return, Jack hadn't thought about it much. Now, he guiltily recalled Daniel only had on what he borrowed from Jack.

 _Can't live in fatigues and T-shirts alone_ , Jack chided himself and got up. Trudging over to his closet, Jack pulled out a couple of shirts and another jacket that he hadn't worn, some jeans and-

"What are you doing?" 

O'Neill turned and saw Daniel standing there in gray sweats, towel draped over his shoulders, red-rimmed eyes glued to the pile Jack had in his arms.

"Clothes," Jack said shortly and nodded to Daniel, telling him to follow him into the guest room. He was satisfied to hear the odd shuffle of bare feet trailing behind him. Dumping the stack on the bed, he turned and saw the perplexed look on the young man's face. Daniel lifted his eyes and cast them on Jack now.

The soldier stiffened. "What? I just thought you might want some clothes before you get your pay packet. No offense, but those jumpsuits don't fit you very well."

"Only size they had," Daniel mumbled as he stood there in the doorway, still not coming in.

"Uh huh."

Something in Jack's voice made Daniel look up. The older man was standing there, scrutinizing him and Daniel squared back his shoulders, bristling. 

"I'm not a charity case."

"I didn't say you were," Jack drawled as he tossed a robe at Daniel. "Here, before you start sneezing all over my house." He brushed past Daniel to go back to the kitchen. "Come on, soup's ready."

"I'm not—"

"It wasn't a question, Daniel." Jack said not waiting for a reply. He went to his kitchen, grabbed the steaming pot over the stove and poured out a steaming bowl of soup, setting it on the table. He waited until he saw Daniel slowly entering the room. "Sit."

"I said I wasn't hungry," the young man murmured, head slightly bowed.

"You also said you weren't tired, that you were going to talk to Teal'c and you were going to get some sleep," Jack pointed out. "Now sit." He glared at the scientist. 

Daniel sat down and stared at the soup. 

O'Neill sighed. "Daniel, it's not a TV, it's soup. Now pick up the spoon and use it. I trust you still remember how?"

"I don't think I can keep anything down," a small voice replied. Jack could barely hear him.

Lowering his own voice as well, Jack sat down in front of him. "Stop thinking then. It'll go down better that way." His eyes softened and he pushed a plate of crackers towards the archeologist. "Come on, Jackson. Starving yourself away isn't going to find her faster."

Daniel's shoulders slumped. "It's not that."

The colonel nodded, folding his hands in front of him on top of the table. 

"I...I just can't stop thinking that I'm wasting time...can't stop thinking if she's out there...if she even remembers me...if Skaara was with her or is he halfway across the universe alone." Jackson swallowed, looking ill. "I keep hearing her. I can't stop myself from imagining what she must have been thinking when they came, when he took her to Apophis, what was she thinking when that...that thing took over her."

Jack perked up at the word "he". "You're really having a problem with Teal'c being on this team, aren't you?"

Daniel's head shot up, eyes stricken. "No! I...I know he didn't...didn't have a choice...and I don't have any say in the matter about who's on what team. I should just be grateful that you're allowing me on this team to find them. I-"

"Hold it right there," Jack interrupted. His eyes flashed as he leaned forward. "I didn't allow you on this team," he empathized the word, his fingers making quotation marks in the air. "General Hammond was the one. I wanted you on this team." Jack blinked in surprise at his own words. He did?

Daniel stared at him as if asking the same question. "Huh?"

"Why the hell do you look so surprised?" Jack demanded, unable to stop himself. 

Blue eyes shuttered and Daniel looked back down on his soup. "Nothing, I just...I wasn't exactly going to boot camp and signing up to join your team." His face flushed. "I know I rather...insisted on being on it."

"You think anyone can really force me to decide who I want on the team or not?" the colonel gruffly asked. He crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. "If I didn't want you on the team, I would have said so right there in that meeting with General Hammond. Hell, I would have shot you down faster than a pig can spit."

"Oh."

Jack shook his head. "Drink your soup, Jackson. You'll feel better after that drinking party for one you had before."

"Coffee would do the same trick," Daniel protested lamely. 

The colonel shook his head vehemently. "No way. No more of that stuff for you. Drink, sleep, then talk."

Daniel eyed him warily. "Talk?"

The older man clamp his mouth shut. "Soup."

Resigned, Daniel picked up the spoon and tentatively drifted it over the cooling surface.

"It's canned. Don't worry, I know my limits with the stove. It won't kill ya."

"I wasn't saying-"

"Drink. Your. Soup."

Daniel ducked his head and took a sip. To his surprise, he found he was hungry and pretty soon the warm meal was gone. He gawked at the empty bowl and wondered when he'd finished. 

Another bowl was quietly pushed towards him. 

Glancing over at Jack, he saw a bemused smirk on the colonel's face and he looked back down at the bowl. Silently, he finished that one as well. Wiping his mouth with the nearby napkin, Daniel shyly smiled his thanks.

"Guess the food was different back there, huh?" Jack asked softly.

Daniel nodded.

"They still serve that armadillo thing there?" The colonel grinned, remembering how Jackson had claimed it tasted like chicken. He wondered if the chicken clucking gesture still stuck with the kids there. 

Chuckling, Daniel shook his head. "No, that was for special occasions. They only served it during their freedom celebration and then for my wedding with Sha-" he stopped, a pained expression crossing over his face, his eyes crinkled sadly and he swallowed.

Jack swore to himself and quickly changed the subject. "There's a mall a few miles down from here."

"Huh?" Daniel whipped up his head, confused.

The colonel nodded towards the sweats Daniel was wearing. "You need some clothes, Jackson." 

Daniel fingered the material and nodded thoughtfully. "It feels kinda weird."

"Hey, I can assure you I wash my stuff. Sometimes." Jack pretended to sound hurt.

Chuckling, the archeologist shook his head. "No, I meant...their stuff was more...never mind." He stopped and fiddled with the pile of crackers on the plate.

 _Strike two_ , Jack groused. He didn't realize how hard it was to start a conversation with the guy. For crying out loud, he'd half expected Daniel to spill his guts out! The man used to ramble on and on about sites, myths and stuff that Jack would need to look up before he even began to understand what the hell Daniel was saying.

 _It's like pulling teeth_ , Jack grumbled. He cleared his throat and decided to fill the silence with his voice before he started climbing the walls. "I figured you might as well get some stuff from there once your pay packet gets approved. Although I doubt it wouldn't get okayed 'cause where else are they gonna find a guy who can talk with ET, right?" O'Neill grinned crookedly but it faded when Daniel kept on poking the saltines. He coughed awkwardly and went on. "Carter's prepping Teal'c so we got some time. You might get a call from Placement soon about a place of your own and we could get them to move your stuff out from storage and—"

"We're not going to find her, are we?" Daniel said in a hushed voice. He raised his eyes, suspiciously bright. "We're talking about me finding a place to stay, getting...getting clothes, getting on with my life...we're...." his voice cracked, "we're not going to find her."

"That's not true, I'm just saying—"

Daniel got up on his feet and began to pace. "We're not going to just go through that Stargate and find her just like that, are we?" He ran a hand through his bangs, the locks falling back around his face making him look painfully young. "We...we may never find them...I...she could be waiting out there for us...for me...not knowing if we gave up on her or was still looking. I—" He stopped and stared at Jack. "I shouldn't be here. I should be heading back to the base. There were only a few more symbols to go through. I can—"

"Whoa!" Jack snagged him by the elbow as the young man staggered for the door. _Okay, that did not go well!_ "You're not going anywhere right now!"

"But—"

"Carter's prepping Teal'c and we'll be shipping out in a few days." Jack felt Daniel's body stiffen at the mention of Teal'c. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Like hell that was nothing," Jack snarled and his grip tightened automatically. Daniel winced. He noticed and berated himself as he released him. "You do have a problem with Teal'c."

"No I don't...you said it before...it wasn't his fault." Daniel didn't turn to face Jack, but kept his eyes turned towards the door. 

Jack snorted and grabbed him by the shoulder, shaking him slightly. "I want you to turn around and say that to my face, Jackson."

"This is ridiculous," he could hear Daniel saying. "I don't know why you're insisting—"

"I said turn around and say it to my face!" Jack snapped and roughly spun Daniel around. The archeologist, caught off guard, spun abruptly, his face revealed under the kitchen light.

And what Jack saw made him let go.

A pale face with huge blue eyes stared back at him, brimming with unshed tears. Daniel was biting on his lower lip so hard it actually bled as the young man visibly tried to keep himself from shouting, from yelling, from crying. Jack didn't know which one. But the expression of utter, desolate...he couldn't put a word to it. No, wait. He could.

Lost.

Daniel looked lost.

And Jack felt like a heel. He took a step back.

"I'm...I'm kinda tired after all...." Daniel turned his head away. "Is it okay if I borrow the couch for tonight? I didn't have any money to—"

"No."

Daniel closed his eyes briefly. "That's okay. I understand. I'll call the base."

"Daniel," a hand touched his shoulder briefly. He turned wearily towards the older man. "I've got a guest room, remember? You can stay here."

"Oh."

Jack gave him a gentle shove towards the living room. "Go. You're tired and you're not thinking straight. Get some sleep." He watched sadly as the young man just nodded, too spent to protest and went slowly across his living room, to the step leading to the bedrooms. There, he paused as if Jack would change his mind.

"Second door to your right, Daniel," he called out. Daniel didn't say anything as he entered the room. Jack thought he heard the young man bid good night but he couldn't tell. It was so low, it might have just been the breeze coming in from his open kitchen window.

Click.

The door to the guest room shut and Jack sat down on the chair, his breath gushing out in one gasp. He rubbed his temples tiredly.

"I should have just gone home and had my beer," he muttered, frowning as he wondered why it sounded like a lie even to his own ears.

 

_"Where the hell is a doctor when you need one?" Jack complained, alternating from sticking his hands in his pockets and running them through his hair._

_"You're giving me a headache," Kawalsky complained as he sat on the bed, watching him pace._

_"A base of thousands and not one Doc." Sitting down in reverse of a chair, Jack glared angrily at the open door._

_"Sir."_

_Jack looked up and saw the major tiredly smile. "What?"_

_"Sorry about your kid...." Kawalsky paused. "I never really had a chance to tell ya."_

_He said nothing, wondering to himself which one he was talking about. He felt a pang in his chest as he realized there was two young boys Kawalsky could be referring to and somehow, it made his head feel heavy so he rested it on the back of the chair._

_Kawalsky mistook the move and groaned. "Hey, sorry, sir. I-"_

_"Not a problem," Jack smiled tightly, the expression not reaching his eyes. "I'm sorry, too."_

_A siren rang out as the PA system blared out about incoming travelers._

_"Damn noise!" Kawalsky abruptly rose up and threw a nearby stool towards the wall. Jack jumped._

_"Hey! Calm down!" he barked and the other soldier paused, his back turned away from him. Alarmed, Jack got up and hurried over to his friend's side. "Hey. Shit, I'm going to go out and find you a—"_

_"It won't be necessary," the other intoned, whipping his head around, eyes flashing. Jack took a step back but couldn't avoid the strong hand lashing out to grab his throat in a painful clench. Wheezing, Jack saw spots dancing before his eyes as he grabbed the iron-strong wrist in front of him._

_"Kawalsky...." he croaked out, "think of what you're doing...Cha—"_

_"Your comrade is no longer here, human," the Goa'uld inside Kawalsky sneered as he tightened his hold. Jack flailed out with his hands, his chest in an attempt to breath as air was slowly blocked from reaching his lungs. "And soon...neither will you."_

_"Jack, Sam just got back the..." Daniel walked in, eyes on his folder. He skidded to a halt when he saw the pair, mouth slightly agape._

_Kawalsky smirked, looked right at Jack's eyes, laughed at the man's pleading shake of the head before he flung out one hand. A bolt flew out of his palm and struck Daniel in the stomach._

_The young man cried out, arms wrapped around his waist, smoke wafting out behind him before he crumpled to the ground._

_"No!" Jack screamed as his friend threw him to the ground. Breathless, he lay there, staring at Daniel's dead eyes, a pool of his dark red blood flowing slowly over to where Jack was..._

 

"No!" Jack jerked up from bed and gasping, sat there in the dark just trying to get more oxygen in his lungs. He wiped the sweat covering his face away with one hand, the other fumbling around in the dark for the clock. Peering at it with squinting eyes, he bit back a groan. 

"Don't believe this," he groused as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. Four o'clock. It wasn't even worth getting back to sleep. 

_Creak._

Jack's head whipped around to the direction of the noise, his eyes narrowing. He didn't like the sound of that. Carefully, he padded across to his door, pressing his ear to the crack and listened again. He frowned when he heard something moving out there. 

"Mister," O'Neill muttered to himself as he fished out the hockey stick from under his bed, "you picked the wrong house to rob." Hefting the stick like a club, he slipped out of his bedroom, the door closing silently behind him with barely a click. Tightening his hold on the shaft with two fists, Jack crept out to the living room to where he heard the sound. 

The room was hidden in darkness but he could hear someone breathing out there and he reached out carefully to the light switch, getting ready to attack the moment he saw the intruder. With a flick, the lights flooded out and he heard a gasp. Jack swung up the stick and aimed for-

Daniel.

"Daniel?" Jack echoed.

"J-Jack?" Daniel looked up at him from the couch half hidden within the folds of his blanket, big wide eyes gaping at the hockey stick held over Jack's head like a ready ax.

"Daniel!" Jack repeated, exasperated. His gut twinge as he realized he forgot Daniel was staying here. "What the hell are you doing up? I thought you were a prowler, for God's sake!"

"You thought I was a prowler?" the young man echoed. He blinked owlishly at the hockey stick above Jack's head. "What would you have done? Invite me out for a night game of one on one?"

Jack guiltily lowered his stick. 

Daniel lowered his gaze, his knees drawing up closer to his chest as he hugged the blanket closer to him. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

Jack sighed. "You didn't wake me. I woke myself." He ignored Daniel's questioning stare as he plopped over the opposite sofa, kicking his legs up on top of the coffee table. 

"Oh," Daniel just said and he stared vacantly at the empty fireplace.

Jack followed his gaze, noting the fireplace's dull ashes and saw the young man shiver slightly. "Bad?" he asked quietly.

Staring at the fireplace still, Daniel didn't look like he was going to answer but then, he reluctantly nodded. Jack exhaled sympathetically. 

"Ditto." He clasped his hands together and swung them behind his head. Leaning back, he stared at the ceiling. "I doubt our nights are going to be any fun from here on in."

"No," Daniel whispered, his head now buried within the thick folds of the blanket, "I guess not."

Jack noted the shivering with a slight frown. "Cold?" 

"Sort of," Daniel admitted, his fingers sticking out to gather more covers as he pressed back onto the couch. "Can't seem to stop shaking."

Jack chewed his lower lip, studying his friend before getting up and walking over to the fireplace. Stooping over the bin, he chucked a few logs onto the firebox and lit a match. Tossing the flame in, he watched the flames slowly grow as he poked at the wood, greedily devouring the logs before he tilted his head back towards Jackson.

"Better?"

"A little...thanks." The archeologist looked away from the growing flames and laid his cheek against the back of the sofa. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Jack offered.

"No."

The colonel nodded. "Wanna talk to...Teal'c about it?"

Blinking, Daniel raised his dull eyes at him. Jack shrugged. "Clear the air, you know. We're going to be a team now. And I know that probably didn't hit you until Hammond began calling around to get Kennedy to scoot back to Washington with his figurative tail between his legs."

"There's nothing to talk about." Daniel rubbed his eyes as he spoke in a flat voice.

"I think there is."

"You're wrong."

"I am sometimes, but not about this," Jack sat down on the same couch, inspecting Daniel with a critical eye. "You two need to talk."

"You mean shake hands and play nice?" Daniel sniffed, his voice heated. 

"No...to find out why." 

Daniel stared at Jack. The colonel shrugged once more before leaning back on his seat.

"I can't let you stay on this team if you can't sort this out, Daniel."

"That's blackmail."

Jack shook his head. "No...it isn't."

"What do I say to him?" Daniel's voice cracked. "I...I _know_ he didn't want to...I know that...I know he wasn't doing this on a whim. He was following orders."

"It's like blaming the gun when you should be blaming the owner," Jack murmured, his eyes distant.

Daniel swallowed, seeing Jack's face and said nothing. 

"Daniel...." Jack looked worn, tired. "There are many things in life that happen without a reason that makes any sense--I don't have to tell you that. But...how often does anyone get a chance...to find out why?"

"I don't think I want to know."

"No, you're _afraid_ to know." Jack massaged his neck and made a face. He didn't know how Daniel could just sit there curled in like that and not feel like his body's crumpling uncomfortably every time he moved. He took a deep breath and went on. "Let me ask you this then...why do you want to be on my team?"

Daniel appeared surprised at the question. "To find Sha're and Skaara, of course."

He waved his hand impatiently. "I know that. I mean...why my team? If you're that uncomfortable with Teal'c being in SG-1, then why not transfer?"

"You want me to transfer?"

Jack rolled his eyes, snorting as he tried to get his point across. "No, no! I mean...if you're that strongly against Teal'c, you could have asked for a different team."

"But I wanted to be on this team," Daniel responded with a puzzled look. 

"But why?" Jack pressed.

"I," Daniel turned away for a moment, deep in thought. Jack waited as he tried to find the words to explain. "I...I'm not a warrior. I know that and I know finding her isn't going to be easy and I may get...killed...."

Jack nodded, the hair on the back of his neck rising with Daniel's words.

"But." Jackson stopped as if unsure. He cleared his throat and spurned on. "I don't know...I just feel like...if I stay with this team, with you, I'll be okay."

"Huh?" O'Neill was taken back. He didn't know how to respond. He caught a look of trust or certainty in Jackson's eyes that he didn't know how to react to. He sat there, stunned by the admission. 

Shrugging, Daniel pretended it was no big deal. "Maybe because we went through the first mission together. I don't know." He didn't appear to know the real reason himself.

O'Neill sat there, not sure how he was suppose to respond to that, or how he felt about it even. It gave him an odd itching feeling in his chest to know someone was willing to put his or her life in his hands. Jack cleared his throat. "Daniel...."

The young man glanced over to Jack.

"Why didn't you tell me you've been having problems around the base?"

Daniel lowered his eyes and seemed to shrink behind the covers again.

"No one should be giving you a hard time here."

"I didn't think it really mattered. I was here to find her, not to make friends."

 _Too late_ , Jack thought to himself as he realized he wanted to find the jerks back on base and string them upside down naked in their lockers. "It's not about making friends or not, Daniel. It's about what's right. And that wasn't right."

"...Oh." Jackson gave it some thought, his blue eyes distant as he ran his tongue over his lips. 

"We will find her, Daniel. And Skaara."

Daniel lifted his eyes at Jack once more. "You sound so sure."

"That's because I am." Jack thumped his chest with a fist. "We're the good guys, remember? We always win. Hell, all we need is to wear our underwear on the outside and we fit the roles!"

A shy smile was Daniel's response to that remark and Jack grinned. But then, the smile wavered.

"But...."

"What, Daniel?" 

Daniel sank deeper within the covers. "What if I get her back, but I don't get her...back?" His eyes glistened—or so Jack thought—but then his lids lowered, long lashes covering his eyes so he couldn't be sure. "What if...if I have to...if I have to...."

"Kill her? Like Kawalsky?" Jack finished in a sober voice.

Daniel whipped his head up, mouth slightly open. "I didn't mean to remind you of—God, Jack, I'm sorry...."

O'Neill sat there, his face grim, thinking there was a six-pack in his fridge he could use to borrow some peace for a while. He could still hear himself yelling into the mike, telling Teal'c to hold him down, to keep him there as the wormhole—

"Jack?" Daniel shuffled over from his end of the couch and tentatively touched Jack's elbow. O'Neill started and Daniel pulled back nervously.

"Sorry," Jack said in a clipped voice. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and took a deep breath. 

"I'm the one who should be sorry."

"You know what Kawalsky told me before the surgery?" Jack said suddenly.

Daniel shook his head.

Jack leaned back into the couch and stared at the flickering flames. "He said he would rather be dead if that thing was still in there when he woke up."

The archeologist nodded, keeping silent.

"I think Sha're would say the same thing...if it ever comes to that." Jack added. He cringed when he saw Daniel pale dramatically. He was beginning to wish he said nothing at all.

"But maybe it wouldn't?" Daniel asked in a hopeful voice. "Maybe it won't come to that?"

Jack pasted a smile on his face. "Yeah. Maybe not."

"Or maybe we'll find a way to get them out without harming the hosts." Daniel's voice grew stronger, sounding more certain now. "I mean, you're constantly trying to find out more about them, maybe they have some sort of method they use. We could find it and help Sha're and Skaara."

Jack wanted to say "don't count on it". He knew never to lay all your eggs in one basket. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He saw Daniel's face, saw the possibilities swimming in the young man's head and couldn't say it. O'Neill didn't know what was wrong with him. He usually told it like it was, but he couldn't bring himself to destroy that ounce of hope. 

"Yeah." Jack found himself saying, a smile tugging at his lips. 

Daniel returned it. Weakly, he joked, "I mean, we're the good guys, you said. Right? Should I be shopping for a cape then?"

Surprised at the jib, Jack chuckled. "Not unless you're telling me you're going to wear your underwear on the outside."

"Wouldn't be at all strange," Daniel murmured, his smile a bit more widely and he sat up straighter. "Some cultures don't even believe in those garments."

"Bet their laundry bill was low."

The two men laughed softly. Quieting down, they both gazed at the dwindling fire, its flames dancing in front of them.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" O'Neill glanced over his shoulder. 

"I think...." Daniel pretended to smooth out his blanket, "I think I wouldn't mind trying to talk with him. Teal'c I mean...."

"Oh?" Jack said casually, smiling into the fire. 

"He must have been thinking about revolting for a long time," Daniel went on, unaware of Jack's grin. He toed the carpet by the couch as he stared at the walls thoughtfully. "This wasn't just some spontaneous spur-of-the-moment thing, he must have been debating this for a long time, while he was forced to...." Daniel paused and sighed. "I just wish I knew why he decided to revolt then and not before. Why now? He must have been raking himself for years over what he has had to do, but why now?"

"You could ask him that." Jack kept his eyes on the fire, but he marveled about the man who would be on his team. Here he was, trying to understand Teal'c's side of the story, without any hatred he might understandably have had coloring his words to bitter shards. He shook his head. Apparently, there was more to Daniel Jackson than sneezing and glasses.

"Yeah...I guess I can."

The colonel twisted around finally. "Let me ask you a question."

Daniel gazed back curious.

Jack grinned crookedly. "Where the hell did you learn to punch like that?"

"Huh?"

He mimicked a boxer's pose and Daniel flushed. "Dumb and Dumber were out of there faster than I could run them over with my jeep!"

"Well...ah...."

"If you weren't so tipsy," Jack thoroughly enjoyed watching the archeologist burn redder and redder. "you might have whipped ass there!"

"Let's just say not all the digs I went to had people who were happy about us being there," Daniel said mysteriously.

"Huh." Jack grunted at the new revelation. "And I suppose you got a black belt in karate and can make a nuclear bomb out of a twig, some gum and a blade of grass." He grinned crookedly towards the young man.

Daniel shook his head, bemused. "No...but I can make a mean pot of coffee no matter how rough the land is."

"Oh that's reassuring!" Jack drawled. "What a team we'll make. I got me a doc, a geek and an alien who's eating for two."

Daniel made a face and Jack chuckled.

"Hey," O'Neill said when he saw Daniel's eyes fluttering shut then opening again. "Think you can sleep now?"

"No...." Daniel rested his chin on top of his drawn up knees. "I...can't stop thinking about where they might be, about...about everything...."

Jack checked the time and shrugged. "Well...hell. It's almost morning. No point going back to bed. How about some breakfast?"

"I don't think I can eat anything without it making a reappearance afterwards." Daniel groaned.

The colonel snorted. "You had what? One lousy drink?"

"Two...or was it three?" Frowning, it occurred to Daniel that he couldn't remember.

Rolling his eyes, Jack waved his hand at the number. "Please. I've had worse and still can remember my serial number, rank and shit like that."

"You're not making me feel any better here." The young man glared over the blanket at Jack.

"What did you do to piss those guys off anyway?" Jack asked curiously.

Daniel puckered his face, thinking. "You know...I have no idea." He flushed. "I must have said something that got him upset."

"Man...and I thought I was bad...." Jack commented, his eyes crinkling up in memory. "Although...I've seen worse."

"Worse?"

Jack nodded, chuckling to himself. "Well, a while back, me and Kawalsk-" He stopped.

Daniel looked at him, eyes sympathetic, saying nothing at first. Then, he cleared his throat and whispered, "I take it you two met before the Stargate?"

"Yeah," Jack stared at the window and saw the morning's light beginning to shine through the blinds. _Looks like I stayed up all night anyway, with or without the beer_ , Jack thought. He took a deep breath and continued, "anyway, this was back in Germany and there were these twin girls or at least Kawalsky thought they were girls...I bet he...."

 

Daniel didn't know when he drifted away but he felt something pulling at his legs, straightening them out. He murmured wordlessly, puzzled on why the person did that.

"Wha?" he mumbled, trying to sit up now as he awakened.

"No, it's just me. Trying to get you comfortable here. Shhh...." He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder once before his head was guided down on a cushion. 

He opened his eyes, or tried to. "Who?" He squinted, trying to see but everything was blurry. The morning sun was shuttered behind the blinds but he could still feel warm streams of light caressing his face.

"Just try and catch some sleep, okay, Danny?"

_Danny?_

Something soft was tucked in around him and he instinctively snagged it closer. Fuzzily he recalled he was in Jack's living room. It felt strange to hear the gruff soldier calling him by that nickname--no one else ever had except for his parents--but he was too tired to ask Jack why. Nor did he protest when he felt another blanket draped over him, trapping in more warmth.

"We'll head out back to base in the afternoon, okay?"

"Kay...." he said sleepily. He tried to lift his head to thank Jack but the colonel gently pushed him down again.

"Get some sleep. We'll go later and you can have your talk with Teal'c."

His stomach clenched and Daniel remembered himself saying it before. He swallowed nervously, suddenly unsure of his decision.

Jack must have noticed because he sighed and secured the covers more tightly around him. "It'll be okay, Daniel."

"You sure?" He cringed inwardly at how that sounded. He waited for the colonel to be disgusted at the whiny question and snap back at him. 

"Yeah." He felt a soft touch on his brow as if to check for fever, and Daniel felt odd about the attention. He cracked an eye open and saw Jack settling himself on the armchair, across from him. He watched as the colonel grumbled to himself, flipped out a blanket to cover himself with and dozed off almost immediately.

Daniel sat up and studied the twin blankets covering him. He looked up at his friend and smiled sadly, suddenly realizing that Jack had someone to look for as well out there.

Skaara.

Jack O'Neill understood. 

Jack would find them. Daniel was certain.

He fingered the blankets thoughtfully. Gazing across the room, he whispered, "Thanks, Jack," and sank back down on the couch. Eyes fluttering closed, Daniel fretted over the drive back to the base later but then his exhaustion washed over him and he thought nothing else of it.

 

Rubbing his neck, Jack mentally swore he would never sleep on the couch again. He kept his eyes on the road, one hand on the steering wheel, the other trying to work the cramps out from the tight cords on his neck. He glanced over to his passenger, who was silently watching the scenery go by without a comment. Somehow he knew, there might be many more nights like these. He had a feeling Daniel Jackson was not one who could sleep easy.

That was another thing he had in common with the archeologist.

 _Who knew_? Jack thought as he lowered his hand to steady the wheel with both hands. He cleared his throat, trying to get Daniel's attention. "Uh...you okay over there?" he asked as he calculated to himself just how much further.

"Fine." Daniel didn't tear his gaze away from the window.

 _Sure and Apophis was just some dude with bad eye problems._ He kept his comments to himself, however, as he drove. 

Daniel shifted in his seat, playing with the shirt he had borrowed from Jack. The colonel reminded himself a day at the mall would be in order soon. For some reason, Daniel was extremely uncomfortable with borrowing stuff from him. Jackson hemmed, hands playing with the seat belt before he asked in a hesitant voice. "You think they're still on base?" 

The colonel knew whom he was referring to. "Probably. Teal'c can't really leave base, you know." He made a face at the thought. "Although we should take him out someday, let him see the world he's helping us defend."

"Uh huh."

Jack sucked in his breath, as Daniel's distant response didn't instill great confidence in the way his team was starting out. He was half tempted to ground them until things worked out, but he had a feeling that would probably backfire. 

_Maybe I oughta just throw them into the mission and let that get them going._ Jack frowned. _Nah, that won't work either._ He looked over to Daniel again. The young man had his head leaning against the glass, his eyes dull and uninterested in the drive at all. He didn't look like he was looking forward to this at all.

_Damn, damn, damn._

__"The world hasn't really changed much, has it?"

Jack blinked at the question. "Huh?"

Tapping a finger at the glass window, Daniel mused out loud. "I mean, everything...looks the same. People are just as varied, the sky is still blue, the ground is still solid and life is still cruel, but...." He frowned. "I feel like it's...." He shook his head, unable to grasp the point he wanted to make.

"Feels like this planet is the alien planet," Jack murmured, his eyes pinned to the centerline dividing the highway lanes.

"Yeah." A tinge of surprise was in Daniel's voice. "Like this place is where we gated to. It doesn't feel like home."

_"Catherine mentioned he was orphaned at a pretty young age...Pretty much alone most of his life."_

_"How good a life could he have had with shit like that? Hell, her offer to join the project was probably the best thing that happened to him."_

Jack's mouth turned down a bit, his tone soft. "It can some day, Daniel."

"Doubt it."

"You haven't give it a chance yet." Jack dared to look over to Daniel and caught the grim line Jackson's mouth had drawn into.

"I've seen what it can do," Daniel said in a stiff voice. "I've wandered from place to place, Jack. I've seen it as a home for so many wonderful cultures but...." he paused, "there was never really any place I could have my name hanging on a shingle somewhere."

Jack arched an eyebrow. "I never thought you to be bitter."

"Who's bitter?" Daniel crossed his arms and shivered as if cold. "Just know what to expect coming for my own life." He gave a strange laugh. "Win some...lose some."

Jack frowned, not liking what he was hearing one bit. To his surprise, he found himself disappointed, remembering how Daniel was before, rambling on and on about theories, not even realizing he might have lost his audience somewhere since the first sentence, caught in his own love for the romantic past of ancient times. 

No, Jack didn't like one bit what he was hearing from Daniel.

"Do you think they even know we're looking for them, Jack?"

"Yes," he answered immediately. "They know."

The archeologist's eyes darted over to him. He studied Jack for a long time. Then, returning his gaze back to the outside, Daniel murmured in a surprised voice. "You sound so certain. Why?" 

Jack shrugged. "I just know. They trusted us enough to take the chance to go against a god, Daniel. They still trusted us enough to welcome us back when we came back and when you stayed. So they must know we're out there searching and not giving up."

"The universe's so big." Daniel whispered.

"Not that big," Jack quipped as he slowed in front of the guard booth that stood before Cheyenne Mountain's entrance. Flashing his ID, he nodded curtly as the guard waved them ahead. "For crying out loud, Daniel, with that damn Stargate, it's like a phone call away." He turned his head at him, giving him a reassuring smile. "We'll find them."

Daniel didn't answer, appearing to be deep in thought as Jack parked the car in the lot.

 

"So Kennedy is still pissing at the corner there, hoping to get his grubby hands on Teal'c for tests?" O'Neill grumbled, leaning against the wall as Daniel sat in the cluttered office.

Carter shrugged. "General Hammond's talking with the Joint Chiefs of Staff and after that, the President, but judging what has happened, I think the argument is in our favor."

"Good," Jack muttered. He tilted his head towards Daniel. "What about you?"

Daniel's head popped up. "Huh?"

"What do you think?"

Daniel ran his tongue over his teeth as he gave it some thought. "Um...I don't know...I mean...Teal'c stopped him from destroying the base. He could have escaped during the confusion but he didn't-"

"He clearly proved his loyalty is not with Apophis," Carter added.

Daniel paused, considering it, "Yeah...he did...."

Jack looked over Daniel's bowed head over to Carter. The captain shrugged one shoulder as she stared at the archeologist worriedly.

"How's it going with Teal'c, by the way?" the colonel drawled. 

Carter shot him an irritated look. "Fine. Apparently, we needed another day to teach him all our weapons and protocol. It took us hours to fix one of the sidearms he mistakenly broke," She glared at the colonel who just grinned sheepishly, mouthing "sorry" back at her. Sighing to herself, she went on, "He's been pretty helpful pointing out the staff weapon's limitations and range. We may be able to come up some feasible defense against them if we come across them again."

O'Neill nodded. "Good."

"Oh," snapping her fingers, Carter made a startled sound, "I forgot to give Teal'c his ID card. They just made it up and gave it to me by mistake. He's not going to be able to get around without it. I better-"

"We still have that interdepartmental strategy meeting to attend, captain," Jack interrupted. 

Carter gave him a blank look. "Huh?"

"We're not going to have time to walk all the way down there to give him some pass." He pretended to sigh. "Damn, and he needs that thing, too."

"Sir, it's okay, I could just pass by there and-"

"But we really, really need to go to this meeting, Carter." Jack stressed.

Carter was confused. "What meeti...oh...." She saw O'Neill glaring at her before nodding towards Daniel, who was still sitting there on the stool, staring blankly at the floor, deep in thought. In a louder voice, she played along. "Damn, you're right, sir. I wish...say...." She tapped Daniel on the shoulder. He looked up questioningly. "Daniel? Could you do me a favor?"

"Uh...sure...."

Whipping out the plastic ID card, she tucked it in Daniel's open palm. "Could you get this to Teal'c right away?" She pretended not to see how the young man stiffened. "He really needs it right now but we have this...meeting to go to."

"Right now," Jack added in a loud voice.

"Uh," Carter resisted rolling her eyes, "yeah...right now."

Daniel stared at the card in his hands.

"Daniel?" Sam gazed at him worriedly, wondering if maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She exchanged a look with the colonel.

"Sure...." Daniel slowly got up, the ID clutched tightly in his hand. "Level eighteen, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah."

"I guess...." the archeologist fingered the card, "I should go to Level eighteen to give this to him."

"Sure," Sam said hastily, getting a glare from the colonel. She clamped her mouth shut.

"Okay," Daniel hedged, "um...see you guys...later then...bye...." He slowly walked to the door and for a second, Jack thought he was going to bolt instead. But then he saw Daniel square his shoulders back, straighten his spine, and walk out of the room.

The two sighed in relief. Then Carter looked over O'Neill, exasperated.

"Interdepartmental strategy meeting, sir?"

Jack shrugged.

 

Daniel stared at the door, his fist still hovering over the panel to knock. He could see shadows of passing personnel, probably wondering why he was standing there and not going in.

 _You can just give him the card and leave_ , Daniel told himself. _Just leave._

But he couldn't.

_"There are many things in life that happen without a reason that makes any sense--I don't have to tell you that. But...how often does anyone get a chance...to find out why?"_

"Why?" he whispered, cringing when he heard his voice cracking. He took a deep breath, steadied his fist to knock and-

The door swung open.

Blinking, fist still up in the air, Daniel saw Teal'c standing there solemnly, looking back at him. 

"Uh...hi...." he lowered his fist slowly.

"Greetings, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c rumbled.

Daniel stood there, mind blank now. Then, remembering the card, he stuck it out with a jerk. "This...ah...this is yours...I mean...they made this...."

"Thank you." Teal'c accepted it, his tone serious. 

Daniel fidgeted, wondering why the Jaffa was still standing there, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Was that all, Daniel Jackson?" 

"Yes," he turned around to leave then stopped. "No...I...no, that was all. I...no," Daniel groaned as he heard himself. "No...that wasn't it...I...."

"Perhaps you would like to come in, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c suggested, reading the young man's discomfort. Daniel paused.

"Sure...okay...." the young man mumbled as he went in. Jackson nearly jumped when the door shut behind him.

Teal'c, misreading his reaction, opened it again, "Does having the door closed makes you uneasy? Perhaps I should-"

Daniel jumped in hastily. "No, you can close the door."

The Jaffa shut the door again with a quiet click. He stood there, dark eyes on Daniel before he spoke in a deep voice.

"I am honored that you wish to speak with me, Daniel Jackson. I wanted the opportunity to make my...apologies and vows."

"V-vows?"

Teal'c tipped his head low, towards Daniel before lifting it again to look directly in his eyes. 

"I promise I will find your wife and brother, Daniel Jackson, even if it takes my very last breath."

Mouth slightly opened, Daniel barely managed a faint "You don't have to do...that...."

"It is the right thing to do."

"Right thing to do...." Daniel repeated. "I suppose...it is...to...why?" he abruptly asked.

Teal'c cocked his head to the side, studying Daniel. "Why?"

Daniel closed his eyes briefly. "No, never mind. This was a mistake, I think I should go...."

The Jaffa made no move to stop him as Daniel hurried over to the door, hand reaching out, stretching to grab the knob.

And then, he stopped.

Spinning around, he blurted out. "Why? Why now? Why did you decide now to go against Apophis? Why not before? Why not before you came to Abydos?" Voice trembling, he couldn't stop the words from spilling out. His eyes were huge, staring right at the Jaffa as his voice faltered. "Why did you wait? Why did you wait until after he chose Sha're and fought back? Why didn't you stop him from taking Sha're and Skaara? Why?" His strength left him and he sagged against the door, his voice fading. "Why?"

Teal'c looked at him for the longest time before he went over, gently took Daniel by the arm and led him to a chair to sit. The archeologist, breathing heavily, spent, sat there with his eyes closed.

"Many years ago," Teal'c began and Daniel wearily lifted his head, "I was appointed as Apophis' First Prime. It was a great honor for my people and provided great hope that some day they would rejoice in the luxuries of my good fortune."

"Good fortune?" Daniel repeated numbly.

Nodding, Teal'c's face darkened as he continued, "Yes. First Primes are rewarded greatly, granted large households and sometimes freedom."

Daniel stilled, listening to every word.

"But I have seen many crimes done to my people, to his many slaves. Families taken to separate mines, women plundered for their beauty, planets laid to waste on a whim." The alien's voice grew hoarse as he recalled. "But while it made my heart ache, I could do nothing."

"Why?" Daniel whispered. 

Teal'c looked surprised at the question. "He is a god...or so I believed."

"But he isn't."

"Yes, I gradually came to believe this but I was helpless to do anything to free my people. I was one person. Many had tried and failed, their names' burned in shame, their homes torched to the grounds. I have seen these non-believers, these traitors in Apophis' eyes, hung by their insides wrapped around their throats."

Daniel swallowed, looking nauseous. "Oh."

"I was but one person," Teal'c murmured. "I saw no chance to redeem myself for my crimes or help those in need. I had taken my soul down this path and saw no refuge."

"You could only watch them die," Daniel said in a hushed voice, lost in memories. "You could only stand there, unable to do anything."

Teal'c noted the haunted look on the human's face. "But then...I encountered a brash band of humans who showed no fear towards the gods, only defiance." The Jaffa smiled slightly and Daniel blinked at the unfamiliar sight. "You. And O'Neill."

"Us?" Daniel looked stunned.

"Yes," the large man nodded. "Do you remember what O'Neill shouted to me after Apophis commanded your executions?"

Daniel chewed his lower lip. "I think it was...that he could help these people?"

The Jaffa inclined his head once more. "Yes. Many have declared this and hung for their efforts, but O'Neill...I believed he could actually do as he so claimed."

"And he did," Daniel smiled wanly. "He got us all out."

"You all did," Teal'c pointed out. "I recall you were helping my people through the Stargate despite the attacks." 

Daniel's eyes glazed over as he thought out loud. "So...it was us...who made you decide to go against Apophis. If we didn't show...."

"I would have been forced to kill my own people."

"Oh God," the archeologist looked horrified over the idea. 

"You are the people from Tau'ri," Teal'c said quietly, "My greatest hope for my people to someday become free as when you freed the people of Abydos. Your planet and your people were forbidden to be mentioned ever, but whispers had found a way even to my ears when I was a First Prime. Even a god could not defeat such tales of hope, Daniel Jackson. Not such tales of a people who rose up against the sun god." He pinned dark eyes on the human. "And I hope history will repeat for Apophis. So I may hear whispers of his defeat."

The archeologist stared at him, mind spinning. Then he heard the great shouting of the people of Abydos, the feel of Sha're in his arms as they watched Ra's ship explode.

"We'll beat him," Daniel's voice grew stronger.

Teal'c studied him before nodding. "I believe you." He kneeled down to look at Daniel directly in the eyes. "I wish to ask for your permission."

"P-permission?" Daniel stammered.

"To remain by this team's side and be allowed to do battle along with you all."

Daniel shook his head. "You don't need my permission. Jack already said you're on the team. I have no say in that matter."

"Yes you do," Teal'c told him solemnly. "I will not go against your wishes should you desire me to join another team instead."

Jackson stared at him. "You're...serious."

"I am always serious," Teal'c rumbled.

Lowering his eyes, hunching over, Daniel stared at his hands, clutching each other into a double fist. "I...I want to hate you...it would be so easy...to just keep on blaming you, blame myself for what has happened, but...." he took a deep breath, "that's not going to help Sha're." Daniel smiled sadly, remembering something Jack said. "It's like blaming the gun when you should be blaming the owner."

Teal'c nodded.

"Are you well, Daniel Jackson?" the alien asked abruptly.

Daniel looked up, puzzled. "Huh?"

The Jaffa pointed stared right at the reddish bruise that hadn't faded yet, just below the top button of his shirt.

"Oh...." Daniel flushed. "I...couldn't sleep so I went out to town a few nights ago...drinking."

The alien didn't understand. "There are water facilities within here I am told."

The archeologist's cheeks burned even brighter. "No...I mean as in...uh...alcohol...or wine."

"This helps you sleep?"

"Um, sort of...that's what I thought...I went...to...ah...to relax."

"That does not look very relaxing," Teal'c observed.

"Uh...no...it wasn't." The young man fiddled with the collar of his shirt. "I was going to talk with you before...but...I couldn't get myself past that door," he waved absently to the shut door behind him. "So...I...ran." Daniel made a face, disgusted with himself as he recalled.

Brow furrowing, Teal'c didn't understand. "But you are here now." 

"Because Jack was right...I didn't want to know...but I needed to know...." Tugging at the shirt, Daniel bit his lip. "I guess I was avoiding the issue or...I don't know."

"Forgiveness is a hard thing to give," the Jaffa sat on the corner of his bed. "I for one, have yet to grant this to myself."

"Even though you knew you didn't really have a choice?"

"Yes...even though."

"But I can't...be like this...." Waving a hand at Teal'c, then at himself, Daniel sighed. "Not if we're going to be a team."

"It would be a great honor to fight alongside you."

Daniel blinked in surprise. "Uh...thanks...I guess it's the...same for all of us." He lowered his head. "I just...need time, okay? To get past this...." he said softly. "I wish I could just say I forgive you, but...I do...understand that it's not your fault." He looked up, eyes sad and old. "I just need time for the forgiveness part. Fair?"

"Jaffa live very long lives," Teal'c said in a solemn voice. "I can wait for as long as you wish."

Laughing awkwardly, Daniel shifted in his seat, "Thanks." He shifted nervously in his seat, his fingers twisting around each other.

Teal'c cocked his head toward the door. "Shall I let O'Neill and Captain Carter in?"

Daniel's head shot up. "Huh?"

"They are by the door," the Jaffa reported. He got up before Daniel could say anything and opened the door.

Jack and Sam came tumbling in with identical yelps.

Looking down at them, Teal'c said "Greetings" in a solemn voice, then arched an eyebrow towards the archeologist.

Daniel didn't know why, but for some reason, the sight of Jack and Sam flustering about, trying to explain why they were pressed against the door made his heart warm so he only smiled back at Teal'c, shrugging in response.

 

Checking her watch, Carter tapped her foot, full of energy, raring to go on the mission. She wanted to go yesterday, but General Hammond needed to wait for the call from the President. He hinted though that the mission was still a go ahead and she should still keep on preparing Teal'c for it. 

_One can only hope_ , she thought, her eyes narrowing as she remembered seeing Kennedy brushing by her to get to the general's office just a few minutes ago. She hoped that didn't mean he was trying to take Teal'c back with him again. Carter can only imagine what the colonel would have to say about that. 

The door clicked and she perked up, mouth opened to asked Daniel what he thought was going on about Teal'c.

"Like I said, a real damn shame," a sergeant muttered to his friend as they stepped out of the locker room. He waved his hands about, the conversation apparently not over to him. "I served with Kawalsky before. He was okay."

"Never would have happened if Jackson hadn't opened the damn thing in the first place," his companion agreed. The two men froze when they saw Captain Carter's smothering glare zeroing in on them. Coughing nervously, they walked around her and fled.

"Morons," she muttered and stared at the closed door with a sad look. She knew Daniel must have heard every word. Somehow, she suspected the scientist probably kept quiet in the back somewhere as the soldiers grumbled their ill-conceived complaints. 

Standing patiently by the locker room doors, Sam watched as Daniel emerged out of it, absently zipping up his flak vest. He walked by her, not even realizing she was there.

"Hey," she ran to catch up with him. Daniel started and lifted his head. He smiled wanly at her. Concerned, she touched him lightly on the arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Daniel tried for another smile but she wasn't fooled. She heard the soldiers leaving the locker room before him. She could hazard a pretty good guess of what the conversations must have been inside. 

"Listen, not everyone thinks that way."

Nodding, Daniel fiddled with his helmet as he tried to put on his glasses. "I know." 

"They'll come around," Carter went on.

"No...that's not it...." Daniel stopped on his tracks. 

Sam slowed down at the hallway, ignoring the curious gazes from the passing staff and waited.

"I...before...they were talking about how everyone was fooled...thinking Kawalsky was cured, that he beat it, but didn't." Daniel sighed as he fingered the holster strapped to the side of his thigh, an odd look on his face. "The Goa'uld took over so fast. In a matter of days and it was an infant."

Understanding dawned on her and she nodded. "It's a parasite. It needed a host body quickly in order to survive, but when Kawalsky died, it couldn't live without him and died along with him."

"That's just it!" Daniel abruptly began walking again, angrily weaving around the other soldiers.

Sam stared at his back, dismayed, realizing that wasn't what really he wanted to hear. 

"Daniel, wait!" she jogged up to his side. "That's not what I meant-"

"Do you know how long it has been since they took Sha're and Skaara?" Daniel said angrily, faltering in his steps as yet another soldier bumped into him. He didn't see some of the annoyed glares shot his way. "And they were mature larvae, ripe for hosts. They must be-" Daniel's head ducked down as he dodged another person walking by, "It might be too late. I mean...look at Kawalsky, he was already to blow up the base. He didn't recognize us or try to stop. He just left the infirmary and set the codes for auto-destruct. Sha're...Skaara...They're already-" he couldn't finish.

"Daniel," Sam tried to reach him, her voice firm, "if anything, the fact that he knew how to set the auto-destruct codes proves that there's hope for Skaara and Sha're-"

"How?" Daniel skidded to a halt, his eyes glued to her face. 

She saw desperation, a frantic willingness to take any answer besides the one he had just given himself. Carter felt a twinge of something when she saw his face. "Because only Kawalsky could have known that code," Sam pointed out gently. 

Daniel stared at her for a moment, absorbing what she had said. Then, his eyes widened slightly. "So...something of the host...." His eyes grew larger, his voice higher, brighter, "...must survive?"

Sam smiled, patted him on the arm and steered him towards the door, labeled Level twenty-eight, for the Stargate.

As the double doors opened, the room was lit with sparkles as the Stargate opened and the brilliant gush of light spewed forward before retracting back to the shimmering pool. Sam took in the sight, her heart pounding with the anticipation of going through it again. When she turned to Daniel to see if he felt the same, she saw something else that made her smile.

Hope.

 _That's more like it_ , she thought, satisfied as they walked up the ramp a bit and waited.

Moments later, Colonel O'Neill strolled into the embarkation room. She saw his gaze going immediately to Daniel, searching for something. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Daniel give a slight nod.

The colonel smiled.

"Colonel O'Neill," General Hammond strode in, dressed in his uniform. She snapped to attention as O'Neill straightened up as well. "Is SG-1 ready to ship out?"

Jack looked over his shoulder at the other two and smiled. Facing the general again, he nodded. "We are, sir."

General Hammond eyed Daniel, turning back to the colonel and saw the man's determination. He returned the smile. "Then you have a go for a standard recon mission on P3575-"

The bulk doors opened again, interrupting Hammond. Jack thought he heard someone suck in his or her breath but he couldn't tell who was it. He was pleased to see Teal'c, dressed in the standard BDUs, staff weapon at hand, helmet tucked under his arm.

"Reporting as ordered." Teal'c said, standing in front of the general.

Jack's smile wavered. He leaned over and tapped Teal'c on the elbow. "Sir," he whispered, waggling his eyebrows towards Hammond, "Sir."

The Jaffa stared at him for a moment and nodded briefly. He stood up straight and his voice boomed out, "Sir!"

The colonel winced. _Okay, we have to work on that._

The general didn't appear offended, though. He nodded instead and smiled warmly. "Welcome aboard, son." And stepped aside, allowing Teal'c to join the rest of the group. 

O'Neill shrugged to Hammond before coming up the ramp as well, stepping between Carter and Teal'c. He looked over to Daniel, who just smiled as well, looking amused about that little scene, and Jack relaxed.

"The MALP reports conditions on the planet are favorable," Carter murmured.

 _That's good enough for me_ , Jack thought as he felt the presence of his team, all four members lined up at the ramp in front of the Stargate, and felt a warm satisfaction come over him. 

"Well," he said, grinning broadly, looking over to Teal'c. The Jaffa bowed his head slightly in answer.

Everyone waited. 

_And away we go,_ Jack thought and took the first step towards the Stargate. He felt the others follow and his steps quickened. As he approached the event horizon, he saw Teal'c entering first, determined to be the first one to check the security of their destination and he nodded approvingly. Then as he felt the first cold wash of the wormhole touch his face, he was acutely aware of two other persons coming up behind him.

 _See you kids on the other side_ , he thought and stepped completely through. The lights flashed and stretched to carry him to the planet and he knew who would be waiting on the other side. And who would be returning with him afterwards.

SG-1.

Comrades in arms.

Friends.

  
As always, feedback are like cookies. I _like_ cookies!  


**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: To Katya. If it weren't for your late nights, this fic would have never gone to print. This one's for you, my own comrade in arms. =)
> 
> And to Brate & Penfold, who hollered at me to just post this dinosaur already and stop lamenting about redoing this story. I must admit there is a mix of happy to see this out there again and mortification in rereading my old stuff.


End file.
